


It's not the end of the world.

by lovenhardt1



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-21
Updated: 2012-04-21
Packaged: 2017-11-04 01:38:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/388233
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovenhardt1/pseuds/lovenhardt1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes you find love the most impossible places. Sometimes life fucks with you, but then again sometimes you win.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's not the end of the world.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta: @aislinntlc. Thank you sweetie for all your help, it is greatly appreciated!
> 
> Disclaimers: These people are NOT mine. Julia is my character, I created her. I'm not making any profit, I'm only doing this for fun. There is no way this ever happened and so on.
> 
> I had some really incredible cheerleaders on this fic – @maggy_97 who was the first to tell me that she wanted to read Adam/Tommy friendship fic! She kept telling me that she would read the fuck out of it, and did when I posted it on my LJ. She's made of awesome!  
> And then there is @zoodlemouse13 who in the most wonderful way demands that I write when I get too lazy or something. Because of them, and a few others, who encouraged me, this is finally ready to be posted. \o/
> 
> Please do not link/copy/share/whatever this anywhere. Thank you.
> 
> A/N: If you're looking for an Adam/Tommy fic, this is not it. This fic is about being friends and Tommy finding love in an impossible situation.

“You really need me to go tomorrow night?” Tommy looks up at Adam. He is snuggled in under Adam’s arm stealing warmth and closeness as they’re watching a movie.

Adam glances down at him before returning to the TV. “Why? You don’t want to? It’s just a barbecue.”

“I just wanna hibernate that’s all.”

“But you haven’t met Jules yet. She’ll finally be here. You have to meet Jules; you know she’s one of my best friends.” Adam pouts, he really wants Tommy to meet her; for two whole years it hasn’t been a possibility, he is so not about to let this run out in the sand. 

Tommy grins, “How many best friends do you have, dude?”

“I don’t know. I love all my friends, you included. And you’ll love her I promise.”

“Yeah I kinda figured, so Jules huh? I finally have the chance to meet her?”

“Yes! I know, right?! She’s a busy bee and so am I. We haven’t seen each other in like… 10 months. It’s been crazy you know?”

“Yes Adam I know!” Tommy emphasizes his words by poking Adam’s belly which only makes him laugh.

“So are you coming? Pretty please?” Adam holds Tommy a little tighter and kisses him on the top of his head.

“Fucker! You play dirty, yeah sure.”

“YAY. Oh my god I can’t wait for you two to meet!! I’m telling you Tommy, you’re gonna love her just as much as I do. She’s all kinds of amazing and pretty too.”

“Are you setting me up?” Tommy asks suspiciously, it’s not that he would mind if it was the case, but Adam rarely intervenes in other’s lives like that. 

“Gods no! She’s married, haven’t I told you that? Has been since the age of 20, to a really sweet guy! You’ll like him too.”

“Wow that was young!” Tommy says, a little amazed.

“Yeah but is seems like it was the right thing to do for them.”

“I’m sure. Hey, should I bring something?”

“No. Just yourself and your sparkly sense of humor. That’s enough for me.” 

“Ha Ha.” The irony is dripping from the words when Tommy speaks them but the laughter in his eyes makes up for it.

Adam ruffles Tommy‘s hair and says in an affectionate tone, “I love you Tommy Joe.” 

“Yeah but how can you not? I can’t seem to tell you to fuck off and leave me alone haha, I love you too.” Tommy cuddles a bit closer and they go back to watching the movie in a comfortable silence that always seems to be just for them.

**

The next evening Tommy sits in Adam’s garden nursing a cold beer and chatting with Isaac and Sophie. All around him there are people talking and laughing, because Adam’s idea of a small barbecue is at least 20 people. Tommy’s eyes catch Adam’s face as he lights up in a huge smile, so he turns to see what put such a happy expression on his friend’s face.

What he sees is a small woman in a well-worn black Metallica t-shirt and a pair of shorts. Tommy is guessing that must be Jules, and wow, Adam wasn’t exaggerating when he said she was pretty because she is gorgeous, with perfectly shaped curves and long sun-kissed legs. Long brown curly hair frames her heart shaped face and electric blue eyes beam to Adam when he opens his mouth to greet her; she puts a finger to her mouth silencing him and points at Neil, who is standing with his back to them, completely oblivious to what is going on. She tiptoes over to Adam who wraps her into a tight hug and kisses her on her lips and then releases her. 

She sneaks up behind Neil and covers his eyes with her hands and rises to her toes. Tommy thinks she is going to whisper something to Neil, but instead she bites his earlobe. Neil squeals loudly but with pure excitement in his voice, “JULES!” and turns around so fast that they both end up on the lawn, Jules trapped under Neil, both laughing like lunatics.

“Fuck girl I can’t believe you’re here!”

“I know, right! It’s been too fucking long! Now kiss me you fucker, the other Lambert just did!”

“Ewww, should I chase away the bad taste? ‘Coz I’d do that for you!”

Jules laughs delightedly and grabs Neil’s face and smacks a loud kiss to his lips. 

“Now get me up!” she demands.

“Naw, I’m kinda enjoying myself here.” Neil wiggles his ass a little and smirks.

Tommy hasn’t even noticed Adam’s moved to stand beside him, he‘s been too caught up in the sight before him. He startles a little when Adam leans down to whisper to him, like he is letting him in on a huge secret.

“He’s never gonna learn!”

“Learn what?” Tommy glances up at Adam, who nods towards Jules and Neil wrestling playfully on the soft grass.

“Just watch.”

Tommy, and the rest of the people in the garden, looks amused at Neil and Jules. Jules sighs dramatically and says patiently, “Neil, please let me up, I don’t want to make you look like a girl when I kick your ass. You know I will!”

Neil snorts and raises an eyebrow in a challenge, “I’ll have you know I’ve-” that’s as far as he gets before he’s put on his back with a huff. Adam throws his head back and laughs so hard his whole body is shaking and Tommy joins him, because let’s face it, Neil’s ‘what the fuck??’ face is nothing but hilarious.

Jules beams at Neil, “And just like that baby you’re on your back for me!” 

She leans down and kisses him softly on his cheek before getting back on her haunches and all the way up. She extends her hand to Neil. “Need a hand girlfriend?” The teasing tone is light and the fondness carries right through and Neil smiles widely when he takes her hand and she pulls him of the ground.

“I hate you.” He hisses but tucks her under his arm and kisses her temple.

She sends him a playful hurt look and puts a hand over her heart, “Oh my heart.” She then looks at Adam, sending him a puppy-eyed look batting her lashes. “You still love me though. Right?”

“Always and forever. So where is John, I thought he would come too.” Adam takes a step forward and brushes a lock of hair off her face and Neil bats his hand away. Jules look up at Neil sighing but her eyes are sparkling, “What are you? Five? Go get me a beer.” 

She looks back at Adam when Neil releases her and she says, “He is. He’ll be here in an hour or so. He had something that needed to be done first. Don’t ask me what, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

They both laughs at that and Jules directs her gaze to Tommy. When their eyes meet Tommy feels a little lost, he can’t remember if he ever felt this kind of attraction before. It hits him in the guts and runs rapidly through his veins, making him hyper aware of every little sensation.She reaches out to greet him and a slow and sweet smile plays on her lips, like she just discovered an awesome secret. Tommy takes her hand.

“Hi I’m Julia, good friend of Beavis and Butthead here. You’re Tommy, right?”

“Yeah, nice to meet you Julia, it is not every day I get to see Neil like that.” He’s a little proud when his voice sounds normal, and even though he might hold her hand longer than he‘s supposed to she doesn’t seem aware of it. She winks wickedly. He lets go of her hand.

“No? Aww he is such a softhearted teddy bear, he just hides behind his sarcasm, but I’m sure you already know that.”

“Yeah.”

She smiles brightly at him and moves to say hello to everyone else. Adam follows her around like a puppy with huge adoring eyes until she has greeted everyone, and Tommy thinks he hasn’t seen Adam this happy in quite some time, he could actually be mistaken for a dude in love. The thought makes Tommy smile as he watches the odd couple work their way around the garden.

Sophie puts her head on Tommy’s shoulder and says quietly but oh so teasingly, “He’s got the same look in his eyes as when he looks at you, but usually you’re the one on his tail. Maybe now you can see what the fans get worked up about?!”

He answers just as quietly, but a lot more seriously. “Adam is my best friend. I love him; I’m not in love with him. I wish some of the fans could see the difference.”

“I know. I’m just saying that it could look like something it’s not! You two have something special, something you don’t let the rest of the world in on. It’s actually kinda awesome.”

“Baby, maybe it isn’t Adam Tommy’s eyes are stuck on, maybe it’s Julia,” Isaac laughs. Tommy shoots him a glare and straightens up a little making Sophie do the same.

“Shut up, both of you, besides… she’s married.” He feels obligated to point that out, but it only makes Isaac grin even more.

“You were checking if she was wearing a ring?! You _were_ looking! Dog!”

“No, Adam told me yesterday. Don’t you two lovebirds have something better to do than poke around in my love-life?” He blushes a little because there is no doubt about if Julia was a single woman he would be making an effort to get to know her better. But he’s not stupid, she is married and even if he stood a chance he’s not a home wrecker, and besides Adam would never forgive him if he was.

“Can’t poke around in something YOU DO NOT HAVE.” Isaac points out and Tommy rolls his eyes and gets off the chair. He takes his beer and downs it and says he’ll find Neil and a new beer.

 

Adam puts an arm around Tommy’s waist from behind and Tommy leans back into the warmth of Adam’s embrace. A small happy noise escapes Tommy and he glances up at Adam before returning to look at Jules playing with a couple of kids.

“You’re staring,” Adam whispers and Tommy shrugs his shoulder.

“Can you blame me? You weren’t lying when you said she is beautiful but you should have added sexy too.”

“Awww you have a crush on Jules.” 

Adam is teasing and Tommy knows this but it is too damn close to the actual truth and it makes Tommy want to defend himself. “I’m just looking dude, I’m not charming my way into her pants.”

Adam nods and watches Jules thoughtfully. “Hmm. She is pretty. ”

Tommy laughs and looks up at Adam and presses a small kiss to his jaw. “Pretty?” He makes an exaggerated sigh, “You’re so gay.”

“She is also very married. A crush is fine, but Tommy please don’t do something stupid like falling for her okay?” It is said in a quiet and soft tone but Tommy hears the warning loud and clear, or maybe it’s just his conscience speaking.

“I though you wanted us to get along?!” Tommy pulls away from Adam and turns around to glare pointedly at him.

“I do…I don’t know…I’ve just never seen you like this. You’ve been looking at her whenever you seem to think no one is paying attention.”

“Clearly you have,” Tommy sighs and inwardly damns his lack of pokerface. 

Adam shrugs and reaches out to pull Tommy back into his arms, “Yeah…but that’s because I always pay attention to you.” Tommy sinks into the hug and smiles up at Adam; gone is the annoyed feeling, he never can stay that way with Adam.

“And to Julia, it seems. So did you guys catch up?” Tommy asks.

“Hmm, they’re moving here. John got a promotion or something like that; we’ll get to see each other a lot more now. I’m happy, she’s happy and John is happy.”

Tommy thinks about spending more time with Julia and Adam and realizes that he might be in trouble if he did, “Oh.” 

He didn’t mean to let that out and Adam picks up on it immediately, searching Tommy’s eyes for answers. Adam asks tentatively, “Tommy? Is this gonna be a problem?” 

Tommy blinks and shakes his head firmly. “No. No of course not. Why would it be?I really like her,” he says before resting his head on Adam’s shoulder. He shuts his eyes and wishes he could believe his own words about it not being a problem and to make things worse Adam sighs happily and says, “If you say so.”

**

The next day Adam calls up Tommy, knowing he’ll have a grumpy, whiny Tommy on the other end of the line because it’s way too early for Tommy to be alive. Adam doesn’t care though, he wanted two of his best friends to meet and was sure they would hit it off immediately. The need to gloat is far bigger than the concern of a pissed Tommy, because Adam has his Twitter open and there are things there Tommy just need to get his non-existent ass out of bed for. On the other hand the odds are that Tommy took his phone with him to bed so he would just have to open his feed there. Adam calls that a win, win.

“Hello.” Tommy’s sleep tired voice travels to Adam and Adam grins. He so woke up the sleeping beauty.

“The sun is shining, the birds a chirping and it’s a beautiful day. Why are you still sleeping?”

“Fuck you Adam. I’ve only been sleeping for a couple of hours. I don’t care if it’s a beautiful day…or if the world is ending. Whatever you called for can wait a couple of hours. Unless you know, you killed someone and need me to come and help you clean up the mess and hide you from the authorities.”

“Naw, nothing like that. But you know when I told you that you would love Jules just as much as I do?”

“Yeah?”

“Well I guess you already own a piece of her heart,” Adam laughs.

“Um, okay. What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You should open your Twitter.”

Tommy groans and Adam can hear him turn in bed, when he speaks again his voice is muffled by what Adam presume is his pillow.

“Can’t it wait?”

“It could but, your feed is going crazy and Jules’s is too. I guess we forgot to tell her about the epic fierceness of some of the fans. Especially some of yours.”

“Jesus! Just read it to me,” Tommy grumbles.

“Okay, it began with a tweet to me from Julia. The fans are used to those but not with you mentioned too.” Adam clicked his way to find the tweet again and started reading it to Tommy.

“It was so good to see you last night bb. Loved @tommyjoeratliff just as you told me I would, cute as hell ;P”

Adam was pretty sure the noise that reached him was from mental pain. “Fuck.” Is the only real word Tommy says.

“But she loved you!” Adam giggles.

“How bad is your feed?” Tommy asks his voice clear so Adam figures he’s done hiding in his pillow.

“Same old, same old but don’t worry about me.”

“What did you say to her?”

Adam laughs and reads his reply to Julia for Tommy. “it was awesome to see you too, I’ve missed you! Told you so ;)”

“That was fairly innocent,” Tommy says kind of softly like his head is in a completely different place.

“I know, and the fans seemed to think so too, but then she followed you and there might have been a tweet for you too.” Adam can’t hide the grin even if he wanted to. No amount of bullshit on twitter can take away the awesome feeling of his best friends making friends too.

“Okay?” Tommy drags the word out to a question.

“Want me to read that one too?”

“You know you’re dying to, don’t want you dead, no matter how many times you wake me up. Read it fucker.”

“@tommyjoeratliff I had a really good time talking to you last night! I’m kinda sad we didn’t meet way sooner. You rock sexy boy.”

Tommy doesn’t speak for a long time but Adam can hear him moving around and eventually Adam asks, “You still there?”

 

“Yeah, sorry. I’m sorry Adam for whatever rubbish you’re getting because of this.”

“Um baby, you do get I am excited about two of my best friends making friends and I’m not worried about the nutcases out there that still think we’re together? Right?”

“Yeah, yeah but still. Wait a second..” Adam hears the clicking sound of a keyboard and a moment later his phone vibrates in his hand just as a tweet from Tommy appears on his feed.

Tommy’s laughter mocks him good heartedly, he must have heard the buzzing, “Dude, you got me on notification?”

“But of course, I wouldn’t know when you re-tweet my tweets otherwise, would I?” Adam reads the tweet of his own Tommy just re-tweeted, “and there you go.” Adam laughs. Tommy joins him.

“Whatever, it’s not like I don’t have you on notification too. And I did have a good time last night with you guys.” Adam’s feed moves again and now there is a tweet from Tommy to Julia saying he had a good time too and asks her to greet her husband from him.

“Oh I see what you did there,” Adam says, “it’s not going to work but nice try, baby.”

“Whatever.”

“Now that you’re up, what are your plans for tonight?”

“Don’t have any.” Adam catches a little bit of wariness in Tommy’s voice but decides it’s about being tired and wanting to go back to bed.

“Wanna join me for a movie this evening?”

“Sure.” 

“Great, see you later,” Adam says happily.

“Much later,” Tommy says pointedly and yawns. 

Adam laughs and says lovingly, “G’Night Tommy.”

“Nite.”

**

When Tommy gets to Adam’s place that evening, Julia is there. Sprawled all over the couch as if she owns the damn thing, looking up at Tommy under her lashes when she greets him, Adam is rubbing her feet and she looks blissed out and Tommy swears to himself he’s never seen anything quite as sexy. His heart makes a stupid flip flop that he does his best to ignore before pushing a little at Adam.

“Move a bit so I can sit down, I’m told I won’t grow taller if standing anyway.”

Adam snorts out a giggle. “You’re perfect the way you are,” Adam says and scoots over a little and squeezes Tommy in a one-armed hug as soon as he sits down. Tommy leans in and pecks Adam’s cheek affectionately.

“You two make a pretty picture,” Julia sighs and rolls over a bit so she is facing the TV.

“Gods not you too.” Tommy says and rolls his eyes, because for some reason and for the first time ever that stings a little.

Julia turn´s her face towards Tommy and smiles bright and warm, her eyes twinkle. “Oh I know you’re not gay and that you two are friends, just as Adam is and he and I are just friends. But you two still make ‘a picture perfect’. Most people say Adam and I do too.”

Tommy can’t help it; he tilts his head and gives her a flirty look, “oh I’m sure you look good on everyone Jules.”

Julia’s laugher is just as bright as her smile and Tommy’ heart skips a beat again before it double its normal rate.

“Some would say the same about you,” Adam pushes her with a foot and clears his throat, making Julia giggle and squirm a bit. Tommy is kinda happy about that, because he’s pretty sure he’s blushing hard. 

“You two behave. No flirting.” Adam says in a firm tone, Tommy ducks his face avoiding Adam’s gaze. Normally he would just tell Adam to shut it or turn the flirt mode on full just to make a point. But now, with Jules and his heart going a hundred miles an hour it doesn’t feel safe. Julia does it though, “Oh Shut up Lambert, you die if you don’t flirt, you told me that. Like a gazillion years ago, when you learned the trick.”

“Yeah well don’t use it on Tommy,” Adam pulls Tommy close and ruffles his hair, Tommy glares up at him and straighten out his hair. “He’s mine, you can’t have him and I don’t think John would approve.” 

The first part sounds teasing but the last part not so much so Tommy shoves at Adam, kind of annoyed and feeling like a toy two kids fight about.

“I might be a flirt but I never stray. Where is this coming from Adam? You know me,” Julia asks, looking serious all of a sudden.

Adam actually looks ashamed and Tommy thinks that maybe this is about Adam knowing him. That he somehow zoomed in on the power Julia has on him. He makes a decision right there to spend as little time as possible with Adam when she’s around. She is married and apparently he can’t convince his dick not to take interest or his heart to slow down. So.

“I dunno,” Adam mutters. “I just hate the thought of cheati-”

“I’m not Brad and Tommy is not my Cassidy.” Julia says softly. Adam smiles and shakes his head.

There you have it, Tommy thinks. He made the right decision. He will never be the one to remind Adam of that kind of betrayal. Never. 

The rest of the evening is over too soon and not soon enough once the decision is made. Everything Julia says or does lures Tommy further in and he feels guilty about it. He keeps sneaking glances at Adam, knowing that even with his best poker-face (he doesn’t really have one) he isn’t going to fool Adam if Adam really pays attention, but Adam chats mostly with Julia, happy to let Tommy have one of his quiet observing nights. Tommy figures that is one of the good things about Adam knowing him so well too. Julia tries to drag Tommy into the conversation and he follows, how can he not? But he also tries hard to actually watch some of the movie and shut their chatter out. He knows he’s being a little rude, but justifies it with giving space for them to catch up.

At some point it feels like torture and he gives up. He gets off the couch, stretches and yawns. He’s not tired not by a long shot but staying isn’t an option. When he says good night Adam looks at him funnily, but Julia opens her arms and squeezes him tight and Tommy’s brain decides it’s time to call it quits. He doesn’t think at all, he just feels and it feels way too good. He’s completely lost.

He doesn’t even remember how he gets to the front-door but Adam’s hug somehow grounds him again and that’s where Tommy realizes how fucked he really is.

He goes home, mind a mess and feeling miserable, really miserable because of a woman for the first time in ages. Fuck his life, fuck fucking attraction when there is no way to act on it.

TBC

**

 

Weeks go by in a hurry with tons of things to do and Tommy manages to avoid spending time with Adam when Julia is there too. So far Adam hasn’t said anything and Tommy is relieved about that. Julia hasn’t tweeted Tommy again, which Tommy also should feel relieved about and when he doesn’t he tells himself that she’s married and he should get her out of his mind. He repeats it like a mantra, it works except when I doesn’t, like when he wakes up achingly hard in the middle of the night rutting against the mattress and head filled with gorgeous images of Julia spread out beneath him. But mostly he succeeds.

Which make him relax and go right into the lion’s den unprepared. The day is hot, so hot Tommy actually puts on a t-shirt and a pair of shorts; he knows Adam is going to be teasing the hell out of him when he sees him. Tommy’s layers of clothing are always a subject.

Tommy crouches down to greet the little French Bulldog that comes running towards him when he enters Adam’s front garden. It doesn’t bark but wiggles its behind so much the entire body wiggles with it and it makes small grunts when it sniffs Tommy’s hand.

“Hi there little guy! How are you? More importantly who are you?” Tommy scratches the dog’s ear and it shamelessly leans into it while it looks at Tommy as if he were the eighth wonder of the world. Tommy smiles, he freaking loves dogs and Bulldogs are one of his favorite breeds. It’s sort of ugly but with so much charm it melts hearts. “And what are you doing in Adam’s garden?” Tommy asks wondering. He looks at the driveway and there are no other cars but Adam’s and his own old piece of shit.

Adam’s voice almost startles him, brings him back to where he’s sitting. “Tommy!” Tommy stands up and smiles at Adam.

“Adam. Who’s the dog?” The dog jumps up Tommy’s legs, scratching his skin and demanding attention so Tommy bends to keep petting it.

“Jules’s.”

Tommy is hit right in solar plexus with one word, one name. “Of course it is,” he mutters under his breath, cursing himself for not calling Adam before showing up.

“What?” Adam asks and Tommy can feel his gaze and thanks the powers of the universe that his hair keeps his face hidden from Adam.

“Nothing, what’s his name.”

Adam giggles, “Um, Goliath.” Tommy looks up at Adam with wide eyes and giggle snorts. “Yeah I know. What can I say other than ‘Jules’,” Adam says and rolls his eyes. Tommy understands the irony it’s so Julia’s thing. “Is she here?” he asks warily, already thinking of an excuse to leave if she is.

Adam nods vigorously. “She is painting my kitchen wall right now.”

The happy expression on Adam’s face makes Tommy curious enough to forget his instinct to flee. “Then why are you out here? Shouldn’t you be helping?” Tommy looks Adam over and there is not a single drop of paint on him. Adam might be gracious on a stage but more than anything he’s a dork and dorks don’t paint and look that good doing it.

Adam nods towards the terrace where the garden furniture is and on the table are magazines and a notepad together with a carafe with water and a couple of glasses. “Got kicked out, besides I can’t hear my own thoughts in there anyway. Damn I forgot about how she gets when she’s inspired and her music taste is as rotten as yours,” Adam grins.

Tommy frowns at that statement; his taste in music is epic, way better than Adam’s. “Hey! That was uncalled for. And how inspired does one get over painting walls?”

“Oh no she is not painting a wall, she is creating one. C’mere… it’s awesome. But when we get in there, the excuse is to get you a cold beer. She would let me get away with that if it’s for you.” Adam winks and Tommy is pretty sure a blush is coloring his cheeks. 

But when they get into the house he can’t help it a huge grin spreads on his face because Metallica is abusing Adam’s speakers. Adam shakes his head in fake despair and rolls his eyes. He turns the music down a notch making Julia complain immediately. 

“Turn that up and go outside if you can’t handle my one and only true love, I told you that already.” she yells from the kitchen. Tommy braces himself for the sight of her, but the mental picture of her painting a wall is so far off that there really was no point in doing that.

She’s painting the northern wall and the light coming into the room from the southern one plays with the colors she’s using. It’s a beautiful mural with zodiac signs and mythical creatures and Tommy would agree with Adam that it’s gorgeous if he actually saw it. All he sees is Julia on a stepladder, color-palette in one hand, a tiny paintbrush in the other, stretching to get the right angle. Her thighs flex when she pushes up on her toes (bare with a dark purple nail polish). Tommy swallows and lifts his gaze, forces it past her buttocks and trying to ignore how perfect it looks in a pair of clingy jean-shorts. Which she apparently uses to wipe her fingers on. He gets stuck when he reaches her shoulders and neck, both parts exposed since her hair is up in a sloppy ponytail and her top is fastened with a bow on her neck. Tiny beads of sweat pearl on her skin just under her hairline and down her spine, and all Tommy can think of is how fucking much he wants to lick them off the beautiful arch of her neck.

He doesn’t even realize the broken sound he lets out or just how turned on he actually is before Adam elbows him in the ribs and hisses, “Down boy!”

Tommy decides to laugh it off, because what can he really do. “I pity you.” 

Adam looks at him daringly urging him to go on. “Yeah?”

“Mmm.” Tommy forces himself to look at Adam and point in Julia’s direction instead of ogling her like he wants to and says quietly, “If you can’t see just how sexy that is. Damn she’s hot.”

Adam shakes his head and says, just as quietly, “It’s Jules, it’s like asking me to see the sexy in my brother…eww.” He runs a palm over his eyes as if he’s wiping out the mental picture, which he probably is. “And get your head out of the gutter too, she is still married. And while you’re at it, you might wanna wipe the drool of your chin before she sees you.” Adam goes to the refrigerator and opens it and Julia turns on the ladder when she sees him.

“Out. We made a deal.”

“Just getting Tommy Joe a beer, baby.”

She beams at Tommy when she sees him. She puts her painting tools away and jumps the three steps off the ladder smoothly and goes to give him a hug. The last hug fresh in his memory makes him back and put his hands up, because if there ever was a bad idea, this would be it. He sees the hurt feeling in her eyes and damn there is just no way of winning here is there?

“Next time Jules. You’re kinda messy and I don’t wanna-” He waves his hand between them and hopes she gets his point.

“Ah okay, the paint.” She says and Tommy forces a smile and nods. 

“So Adam says you haven’t been around much lately.” Julia says. 

Tommy squirms a bit under her gaze and flicks a glance at Adam, feeling guilty as fuck. “No I haven’t, been busy.” Adam pushes the beer into his hand and gives him a dark look he can’t interpret. Julia tilts her head and asks, “Doing what? See we got a bet going Adam and I.”

“About?” he gives Julia a puzzled look and she shrugs.

“Why you aren’t around.”

Tommy blinks, once, twice and then he glares at Adam. “Adam?”

Adam doesn’t get a chance to answer because the front-door opens and Goliath blazes through the room with gleeful sounds. John’s voice filters through to them all when he calls for the dog to get back outside.

Julia checks the clock. “That was early.” Her tone is surprised and she pushes past Tommy and Adam to get out in the hallway. Adam follows and Tommy watches them leave before he turns to look at the mural. He sips the beer and listens for when the others enters the kitchen and wonders if Adam would be alright with him leaving this soon. The odds are not.

He doesn’t hear Julia sneak up on him until she’s standing next to him.

 

“I sent the boys out in the garden and I promised to send you out with drinks too.”

“Hmm.” Tommy doesn’t look at her, his whole body reacts to her presence. He has never been one to be puppeteered by his hormones and he isn’t about to be, so he’s ignoring the hell out of it. “I love what you did to that wall, it’s so Adam. And it’s beautiful; you’re very talented.”

“Aww thanks, Tommy. So listen, um, are we okay?”

Given no choice he looks at her. “Why wouldn’t we be?”

“I just get the feeling that-if I did anything to- I just had the feeling of gaining an awesome new friend at Adam’s barbecue but- well you didn’t follow back on Twitter and you tense every time-”

“Gods no, I mean I think you’re cool and all. And about Twitter I was just trying for some damage control. I can change that right away.” Tommy shoves a hand in his pocket to get to his phone. Julia’s hand on his arm stops him though, his skin tingles at her touch.

“It’s okay, I just wanted to know if I had done something. Anyway the guys are waiting and I need to finish up here.”

She lets go of his hand and shoves her hands in her back pockets waiting for him to leave. Tommy smiles a little carefully at her. “I really do think you’re amazing, Jules,” he says, barely audible over the music. He gets two beers and an ice tea from the fridge and leaves her to join the guys on the terrace. 

The thing is that he has fun that afternoon. John is funny and easy to like and knows some pretty awesome, not to mention hilarious stories, about Adam. Tommy’s belly aches from laughing and Adam seems happy and relaxed and doesn’t really mind being brought into the spotlight like that.

At some point John starts telling about the day or rather night he first met Adam and Julia. It’s a fun story about camping and skinny dipping and getting caught doing that. Tommy feels Adam’s gaze on him while John tells the story and he turns to look at Adam. Adam sends him one of those smiles that always seem to be just for him and he knows that Adam is pleased he’s finally there. He smiles back.

He feels a hand on his shoulder and Julia leans in past him and reaches for one of the glasses with water in it. Her scent fills his senses and he tenses. He sees Adam narrow his eyes as he watches him. He looks away from Adam and closes his eyes for a second or two before he looks up at Julia. She is sipping the water and looking at John; her hand is still on his shoulder and even though her hand is cool to the touch, his skin buns in the wake of it. Mischief makes her eyes sparkle as she turns to look at Adam. “I bet that was the first and last time you had a completely naked woman pressed against you like that.”

“Yup,” Adam laughs. “But it isn’t like I usually go around saving young girls from being ogled by their future husbands.”

John cracks up and Julia moves over to him. Right before she sits down on his lap he says, “I would never have married her if I didn’t see what I did that day.”

“Oh shut up,” Julia says and kisses him. John kisses back, soft and tender, and Tommy has to look away.

Unfortunately that makes him look at Adam and Adam has this look that says he’s picking Tommy’s brain to pieces. Tommy has no idea what the hell to do; he didn’t mean to feel this way. He knows Adam is disappointed in him for staying away, that much is clear from this day and he feels bad about it all. And if that wasn’t enough, he misses his best friend to whine to. He can’t even tell Mia about all of this. 

Adam looks at Julia and John and back at Tommy. “I miss having a boyfriend, those two makes me sick. I wanna have someone to make out with.”

Tommy laughs, happy that Adam breaks the tension in him. “You mack on me all the time when we’re on stage, that’s so not the thing you’re missing.”

Adam nods thoughtfully. “Maybe you’re right but I want someone I can do lazy Sundays with.”

Tommy snorts and points to himself. “We do that too.”

Julia laughs. And Adam sends her an amused look before catching Tommy’s gaze again. “Okay fine, I wanna get laid. And I don’t wanna do that with you.”

“And now we’re talking about what you want,” Tommy says, wiggling his brows.

“But I want someone I can do all three things with.”

Pure stubbornness is the only thing that keeps Tommy from looking at Julia before he says,” Yeah I know, so do I.” but he gets the distinct feeling that Adam sees right through him.

**

“I need to know that your problem is, Tommy,” Adam says when they’re watching Julia and John leave. He turns to look at Tommy who looks much like a guppy on land gasping for air. So he took him by surprise, Adam thinks.

“Say what again,” Tommy chokes out.

“Why are you staying away? Is this because of Julia? You know she’s convinced she did something to piss you off.” Adam uses the best stare he’s got in his arsenal, his mom would be proud of that one. “Me?” he continues, “I’m kinda thinking you’re being a douche because you wanna get in her pants.”

Tommy’s eyes go wide, his cheeks blush and he looks away without saying a word. Adam sighs heavily, he hates that he was right in his assumption. “Yeah, guessed so. Well get over it. Grow up damn it.”

Tommy raises his gaze and meets Adam’s. Adam is a little confused by the sadness there and then Tommy answers in his most obnoxious way and with that little dismissive shrug that sometimes drives Adam mad. “I don’t know what to say. Seems you got it all figured out.”

Adam is confused all over now; if he didn’t know better he would think Tommy was trying to pick a fight. They never fight though, mostly because Tommy seems to bend every time Adam gets thick headed or his temper runs off with him. Adam feels like being thick headed right now, he has missed having Tommy hanging around even though he’s been spending time with Jules.

“I know you, Tommy. And you’ve been strange ever since the night you and Jules were both here. I get that you miss having a girlfriend and I get that Jules is a beautiful woman, but hiding from me because of that? Not cool! And I don’t want to separate my time between some of the people I love the most. So please get over it. Get laid or something and move on.”

“Um.” Tommy runs a hand through his hair and looks away. There is something about him that Adam can’t place and he doesn’t like not being on the same wavelength as Tommy. They’ve always had that.

“And just so you know, she thinks you’re awesome and wants to really get to know you. I think it hurts her when it’s so obvious you draw back. Make friends, Tommy. For me.”

Tommy looks at Adam and Adam wants to bat his hand away when he bites on a cuticle. “Julia already talked to me about that,” Tommy says and shoves his hand in his pocket when he sees Adam staring at it. He looks down and kicks a pebble. He looks miserable. “And who the fuck says I’m not trying to get over it? Huh?”

“Try harder, I need you both,” Adam says softly because all of a sudden he wants to make Tommy smile and hug him until he does.

“Yeah. Okay,” Tommy says and looks up. Adam opens his arms and Tommy takes the two steps forward that put him in Adam’s embrace.

“So about that wall?” Adam asks grinning like an idiot.

“It’s awesome,” Tommy says. “She is very talented.”

Adam nods. Tommy looks like he’s at ease for the first time that day and it makes Adam feel at ease too. ”Like you,” he says and kisses Tommy on the forehead.

“Sweet talker.”

“You love it.” Adam replies and ruffles Tommy’s hair, just to annoy him.

“Love you,” Tommy says and bats Adam’s hand away, just like Adam knew he would.

“I know that’s why I got pissed. Sorry.”

“Well you were right. I was hiding and that’s not cool at all.” Tommy steps away and starts to walk towards his car. 

“When am I not?” Adam asks, feeling smug and happy. Tommy tosses him a pointed stare that makes Adam put his hands in the air laughing, “Okay, okay. Don’t answer that. See you soon.”

“Not if I see you first,” Tommy retorts with a huge smile and gets into his car.

**

So Tommy tries, the first thing he does is follow Julia on Twitter and send her a tweet saying how he loved her work of art and that he was looking forward to seeing her again.

And he stops finding excuses for not spending time with Adam when she’s around. 

Which leads to an invitation to spend the entire day with Adam and Julia, one Tommy says yes to. Maybe he feels a little like Adam is putting him to the test but damn it he’s a grown man, not a fucking teenager popping wood every five minutes, and damn it if good old fashioned lust is going to control his life anyway.

They meet in a cool little cafeteria, which is Tommy’s brilliant idea since both Adam and Julia insisted on getting the most out of the day. It is way too early for Tommy to really feel alive and he needs coffee, loads of coffee to get him there.

When he gets there the two early birds have ordered for him and on the table are all the greasy favorites of his. He takes a piece of bacon and stuffs it in his mouth as he slides onto the booth. Adam pushes a cup of steaming hot coffee over to him.

“So what’s the plan?” he asks when he’s done chewing on that little piece of heaven.

“Adam wants to go shopping,” Julia says in a sugary and teasing tone and sends Adam a mocking sideways glance.

“Shocker,” Tommy snickers.

“I know right?”

“Why was it again I wanted to spend my day with you two?” Adam asks and Tommy flips him off just as Jules elbows him in the ribs.

“What do you want to do? I’m guessing shopping isn’t your thing?” Tommy asks Julia.

“Shopping is fine and I’ve heard about this music shop, it’s supposed to have real treasures amongst all the crap.”

“Oh could you possibly mean ‘Ray’s’?” he asks before munching on another piece of bacon.

“Yeah, that’s the one. And then I plan to make you two something to eat, that is, when _he_ is done shopping too.” She looks at Adam. “And if you’re up for it then I have this friend playing a small gig later and I’d love for all three of us to go together. He is really awesome.” She snuggles into Adam side and bats her lashes at him. “Not as awesome as you though.” Adam shakes his head at her lovingly and kisses her cheek before looking teasingly at Tommy.

“Anything you want to add,” Adam asks jokingly. “Besides a horror?”

Tommy sticks his tongue out. “No, actually ‘Ray’s’ sounds brilliant. I haven’t been in there for ages. And a gig? I’m always in.”

Julia fills her plate with food and Adam groans. “That’s so not fair, I hate you guys.”

Jules snorts, and it really shouldn’t be so charming, but it is. “Genes baby. I’m sorry you have to suffer under the terrible curse of being born into the Lambert family. Such a catastrophe.”

They go shopping, Adam dragging Julia and Tommy though shop after shop. They all have fun and find small objects they can’t live without or some they have to make fun off. Maybe Adam finds slightly more clothes than the others, because seriously? The man is starting to look much like a donkey packed to the limit. When Tommy teases Adam about that Jules laughs, pearly and sunny. Tommy momentarily forgets what he was up to. Damn.

They end up in the music store after putting all the bags into Adam’s car. Entering such a place always means getting recognized. Which means pictures will be taken and they’ll end up on twitter. Tommy warns Julia about that possibility. 

“Not a problem, Tommy. I’ve known Adam all my life, whatever knowing him brings along with having him in my life, I’ll be okay with.”

“Even if some of the fans will tweet you bullshit about being my secret girlfriend? Because they will.”

“Aww Tommy,” She purrs and leans into him as they walk through the door. She looks up at him through her lashes and bats them a few times. “If you were my boyfriend I wouldn’t keep you a secret. I would be sure the world knew my claim.” 

His heart does that annoying thing where it misses a beat and then speeds up. “Good to know,” he chokes out and she winks before leaving him to search for treasures.

They’ve been in the shop a whole ten minutes before someone really notices Adam. Julia smiles and slinks off leaving the guys to attend to the fan. A while later Tommy finds her again, Adam is still talking to fans, but he feels like he’s done his part and he wants to see what Julia plans to buy. She has already found more than a couple of CD’s, and is still browsing, very determined.

“What are you looking for?”

“A Danish artist, my friend, the one playing tonight, recommended her. Said she is touring here in a couple of months and if Daniel says she is good then she is worth the money.” Tommy reaches out to take the stack of CD’s from her and she hands them over. There is some cool music in that stack and some he never heard of but the CD he lingers on is the Maroon 5. Huh. He doesn’t say anything he just raises an eyebrow at her mockingly. She giggles. “So what?” she says daringly. 

“Really? Julia? Maroon 5?”

“Oh shut up. Besides Adam Levine is fucking gorgeous.”

He’s thrown off, cannot believe what she is saying. “You’re not buying that because you have a crush on the dude, are you? You’re not that shallow!”

“Maybe I’m not that deep either? Tell me you haven’t watched a Britney vid, just because she’s hot.”

Tommy laughs. “Not denying that, but I never bought her music because of that!”

She shrugs and snatches the CD, laughing. “What can I say?”

 

Later that day while Julia is cooking something that smells amazing and involves pumpkins, cinnamon, honey, garlic and cream amongst other things she asks Tommy to stir the pot while she gets her bag from the music shop. Tommy groans and fake-whispers. “As long as it’s not the Ma-”. That’s as far as he gets before he’s silenced with a finger on his lips. “Not a word Ratliff.” She winks and leaves him to keep an eye on the dinner.

“What was that about?” Adam asks; eyes tingling and happy.

“Scared to tell you, I saw what she did to Neil.”

“Aww,” Adam says when Julia returns. “You scared the kitty to silence. You’re a fierce bitch.”

She high fives Adam and hands him a wrapped gift and then goes to give Tommy one too.

Julia puts on one of the CD’s she bought earlier. While Tommy stares at the present, wondering why on earth he deserved something like that.A unique feminine voice floats into the room. “Who’s that?” Tommy and Adam ask at the same time, ending up with a shared gigglesnort. 

“That ladies, is Tina Dickow.” She looks at Tommy. “The Danish artist I was looking for.” She lets the music wash over her and says dreamingly, “Hmm, I guess Daniel was right then.”

Tommy studies her a second, she might be cooking again but she really listens to song, takes it in. He likes that.

“You didn’t even youtube her before you bought the CD?” Adam asks.

He is carefully unwrapping his present and Julia shakes her head. “Nope, when you do that you find the song with the most clicks and as popular as those songs might be I always end up loving the’ least likely to be played on radio song’ the most. That’s why I buy the album and not just download one or two songs. But with a CD, when I have it in my hand, oh I love that. I’m so old-fashioned.”

Adam has opened his gift and he smiles widely when he sees the CD with Maroon 5. “Awww baby I love that album. How did you-”

“Because I know you, Lambert.” Adam laughs and goes to hug her. 

“But I thought…” Tommy says mostly to himself. Julia laughs softly, “You should have seen your face when you saw that one. You looked like nothing made sense in the world anymore and I couldn’t help myself.” 

“You’re… damn I don’t even know what you are, but you had me fooled. It didn’t make sense at all.”

“I actually have a broad taste in music, if it touches me, you know? If the lyrics move me in some way then I’ll probably like it. Like this? What we’re listening to right now? I’m already loving it and there is nothing Rock about it.”

He nods. “I’m the same.” 

Smiling she agrees. “I bet you are, but Tommy?” She looks pointedly at the present in his hand, he hasn’t opened it yet. “Why aren’t you opening that?”

“Sorry.” He begins to unwrap and asks, “When did you buy this?” 

“Not telling you. Open it.”

When he opens it, he looks at a little bat appendix for a necklace. It is very detailed even though it’s tiny. His face breaks in a smile. “Oh my God that’s so cool. Do you know about-”

“The badgers? Well obviously. I’m thinking I might join them. Some of your fans tweeted me links of your performances with other bands and _dude_!!” 

Her voice is filled with excitement, and it makes Tommy blush. “Thank you.”

He runs a finger over the bat and Julia smiles tenderly. “Oh stop, it wasn’t my first born I handed over.”

“Oh that reminds me,” Adam says. “When are the two old married people intending to participate in the task of overcrowding the planet?” 

“Never!” she answers promptly.

Adam raises a brow. “That’s a lie if I ever heard one.”

“Okay then, there are plans.”

“Really? That makes me so happy. You know I’m going to hold you to that promise you made me.”

Julia snickers. “Sure, I’m still convinced you’ll faint though.”

Julia directs her gaze at Tommy. “I kinda promised him the day we met John that Adam would always be a center of my world and he swore he would hold my hand through life no matter what. He claimed he would even do it when I was giving birth.”

She looks at Adam with such fondness that it touches Tommy. Adam mirrors that gaze when he continues the story. “She looked at me as if she didn’t believe one word coming out of my mouth and I made her promise me to let me do exactly that.”

“You two are nuts,” Tommy giggles.

When they eat they talk about everything and nothing. The conversation is relaxed and comfortable and he is doing a pretty good job of ignoring the attraction. Ha, take that stupid body.

They go to the gig and Julia leaves Adam and Tommy to say hi to Daniel, who looks damn happy when he sees her and she practically beams at the guy all the way over there. She jumps him, arms around his neck and legs around his waist. He steadies her with his hands on her behind, takes her weight like this is how they always says hello. Tommy is not jealous, he is _not._

She drags Daniel with her to meet them, he looks a little in awe when he realizes who Adam is but he’s cool about it. The night turns out awesome, they listen to good music, and they talk about it, too. Julia doesn’t know music like he or Adam does but she has fiery passion and opinions and she can and will argue them, for hours as it seems. Tommy kinda loves that.

 

It doesn’t really get easier though. Every time he spends time in her company, which is kind of often, he falls for her a little bit too, because she really is a sweet person, but he learns to control it. He actually develops some kind of poker face, not the best but some kind of it. She still flirts; he does too. It kills him a little because it’ll never lead anywhere, but he deals with it. They develop a good natured semi-close friendship. It works.

He even meets John for a beer without any of the others, because it seems like a really good idea to do that. And as he thought he has a good time doing it. John is a good guy. Damn it. Weeks pass by like this.

 

Tommy starts thinking that maybe he’s put her up on a pedestal she doesn’t belong on, that maybe he’s too focused on seeing how great she is. That maybe he forgets she’s just a human being like any other girl. She reminds him, though, shortly after.

He once again finds himself at the counter in Adam’s kitchen, drool pooling in his mouth at the smells that come from the magic Jules creates. Julia loves cooking and Tommy swears you can taste that.

Adam was supposed to follow the shopping list she texted him for groceries  meticulously. But as Jules rummages through the fridge in search of tomatoes and parsley it becomes clear that he didn’t.

“Adam?” Julia yells when she closes the fridge. “Lambert you ass, where are my tomatoes and parsley?”

There is no answer from Adam and Tommy tells her Adam popped in a second ago to say he was going to take a shower before dinner.

“Oh fuck.” She takes the sauce she’s making off the heat and turns it off. “Damnit I need those ingredients. Can you?” 

Tommy shakes his head violently. Adam had picked him up earlier and there is no way in hell he is taking the Mustang to drive after groceries. “Don’t even say it Julia, not happening.”

She laughs. “Pussy. Okay I’m going then, I just need to put in gasoline if I wanna get back here though. So you wanna sit here by yourself while Adam beautifies or are you coming?” she tosses it over her shoulder as she grabs her keys. He probably should just wait but like hell is he not, he’s getting a few minutes alone with Julia. Yeah, he’s stupid like that.

Tommy goes to get the tomatoes and parsley in the convenience store while Julia fills up the tank. On the way back to the car he has to stop and stare, because Julia is laughing, a bit hysterically, and kicking a wheel on the car violently. So much for not being human. Tommy shakes his head and walks over to her. “Wanna tell me why you’re kicking the car?”

“Um, no?” she asks sheepish.

Tommy laughs because how is that a question? “Pussy.” He says and sees her eyes widen before she elbows him in the ribs.

“I dropped the keys,” she confesses. Tommy’s eyes immediately goes to the ground, searching.

A snort makes him look up. “Nope, not on the ground.” She is shaking her head and her hair dances in the wind. “That wouldn’t make me abuse my baby. Sorry baby, didn’t mean to hurt you. You didn’t do anything wrong.” She pets the car and Tommy snorts out a giggle because really?

“And now you’re talking to the car? What are you on?” 

“Hormones?” She tries. “But hormones don’t really explain how or why I dropped my keys into the tank.” She hides her head in her hands and groans long and heartfelt. 

Tommy isn’t too sure he heard her right. “You…dropped them?…. Into the _tank_?”

She nods; face still planted in her palms. “My God he is going to be so _pissed_.”

The force she says it with surprises him. “Who?”

“John.”

“Oh…but why? It’s not like you did it on purpose.”

She sighs heavily and it sounds almost hurtful to him. “No, but…. We had a not so great morning and his day is filled with meetings he really doesn’t want to deal with today but couldn’t get out of and so on.” She looks up and meets his gaze, a giggle takes over. “I managed to lose my only car key …. By dropping it into the car! If that’s not typical me, then I don’t know what is. Ha. But thank fuck it isn’t locked, I guess we can still push it away, so it won’t be in the way?”

“Yeah.” That might have come out sounding hesitant or something, because she looks at him for a long time. Searching.

But then she blinks and she puts her hand over her mouth as if she’s trying to stop the words stumbling out of her. “Oh shit I better call John; he knows where he wants the damn thing towed to.”

She looks very uneasy and Tommy really can’t stand that. He wants to see her smile again, genuinely, the smile he somehow had been taking for granted “Jules?”

“Yeah?” she doesn’t look at him but fondles her phone.

“You could always blame me. Tell him it was my doing while you got these.” He holds up the bag with groceries.

Her eyes grow huge in a second. “Tommy Joe Ratliff! You did not just say that!” 

“Um, yeah?”

She shakes her head, but the smile he wanted to see, the one that lights up her face in the most beautiful way, is almost back. He feels victorious. 

She puts a tiny hand on his cheek, and says with laughter in her eyes, “You mess up, you fess up. Always. But you can totally call Adam for me. He is going to have too much fun over this. I see a massive amount of teasing coming my way. Gods.”

Tommy laughs; there is no doubt Adam is going to enjoy this way too much. Tommy calls Adam while Julia calls John, he doesn’t hear what she is saying but he watches her and her posture screams misery. Every protective fiber in his body wants to take the phone away from her and envelope her in a comforting hug. He kind of dislikes John for making her look that way.

When she’s done talking to John she comes back to Tommy saying, “We can’t push the car away, the steering wheel will lock and besides I can’t lock the doors. I have to stay here until the guy from the garage comes to tow it away. They’ll be here in thirty. Damn.”

“Oh.”

“Did you get a hold of Adam?”

“Yup. He’s here in a minute but prepare, honey. He’s-”

“Oh don’t worry, I’ve known him forever, I know what’s coming, besides I can still kick his ass if he becomes too sassy.” 

The three of them wait together and when the car is in safe hands Adam drives them back home. Julia cooks and takes all Adam’s bullshit with laughter. There are one or two times where Tommy tenses, mostly because he saw how she looked during the phone call, tries to stop Adam, but Julia smiles at him softly and says so quietly that Adam can’t hear, “You gotta laugh when you’re the joke. This?” She puts a hand over his and curls her fingers around his wrist as she glances at Adam. “This makes up for the rest of the day. Goodhearted teasing, good food and excellent company, those are all good things that make life so much more than doable.” Her touch messes with him, it’s nothing any other friend of his wouldn’t do, but his goddamn body is so not getting the friend message here. He does feels more relaxed on her behalf after that, though.

The protective mood is back the second John enters the living room to pick up Julia. But when John right away smiles widely at Julia while shaking his head fondly, Tommy knows that they’re fine, whatever had been wrong that morning or this afternoon has evaporated. He watches Julia cling to John in a tight embrace and even though he’s relieved, he is suddenly filled with a sadness he can’t explain, but he knows after that day that he doesn’t see her as a picture of something perfect, which just makes her even more so.

 

One day Julia tweets that she is going to a Metallica concert and the friend she was supposed to go with has bailed on her. Tommy tweets her to take John with her instead.

He gets one return where she says ‘NO, was planning on asking you. It would be so much fun. Just you and me!’ He stares at that tweet for a long time before closing twitter. He doesn’t answer. He wants so bad to spend time with her, alone, with no Adam and no John. But that is beyond a bad idea. He knows this, she is temptation personified.

All day passes and when he checks his feed late at night it has gone crazy. He adores his fans but there are a few batshit crazies that really flood his feed with stupid nonsense on a daily basis. Normally they’re focusing on him and Adam and are so far off the deep end that he can only laugh and cover his eyes. But today they’re closer to the truth than ever and he doesn’t want to deal. So he still doesn’t reply to Julia.

He gets a text the next day. That, he can’t avoid, everyone knows how attached he is to his phone. And it’s Metallica, right? When you’re in concert you focus on the music and he’ll have Jules, alone. And she doesn’t feel the same way, so it’s all good, right?

He says yes. He knows he’s an idiot but he can’t fucking wait for the weekend to come.

On Saturday Tommy’s phone buzzes with a tweet from Julia, yeah he’s got her on notification, so what. The tweet makes him smile and his heart race. ‘had a bad morning but then I remembered I’m seeing Metallica tonight with @tommyjoeratliff can’t wait to see you dude!’ 

He knows there will be some that will figure out he got her on notification if he answers right away but he doesn’t give a damn. He quickly types in ‘glad that makes the day better honey. Can’t wait either. Rock on!’ and push send. He doesn’t get the chance to put his phone away before it buzzes again. ‘dress up, I’m taking you out for dinner first, could use quality time with a sane person.’ 

He stares. Dinner. He’s so fucked. Then his brain zooms in on what should be the important thing here. Getting off Twitter he types a text instead ‘u okay?’

‘Not really. Dinner?’

‘Not really? Jules? U need me to come over?’

‘Would you?’

‘On my way’

‘Thx’

When he gets there Julia has coffee ready and he accepts a mug before he sits. They both curl up on the couch, face to face.

“What’s the matter honey?” Tommy asks softly. She looks haunted and he wants so desperately to chase the lines on her forehead away with his fingers. They almost itch with the need to do so.

“Kinda a long story and I honestly don’t know how much of it John would be okay with me telling you.” She looks down into her coffee mug and sighs a little. It sounds almost painful to Tommy. 

“That’s okay.” He says, “Don’t mind long stories but if you don’t-”

“I can’t hold all of this shit in anymore, I need to talk.” Her tone is a bit desperate and when she puts her mug on the table next to his her hand shakes a little.

“Then tell me, I’ll never say a word to John if that’s what you want.”

“Oh god, Tommy, how did I deserve to get a new friend like you?” She reaches out and covers his hand with hers, he doesn’t answer instead he curls his fingers around her hand and squeezes lightly urging her to start talking.

She does. While he holds her hand she spills everything to him. About John and hers fight to get pregnant, about how it creates a canyon between them, about feeling lonely and lost, about everything. 

Tommy listens and listens and his heart bleeds and hurts and that’s where he realizes that he’ll be anything for her. If she needs him to be her friend, like, life altering close friends, like him and Adam, then that’s exactly what he’ll be. He stops fighting to keep her out and embraces what she offers. 

He loves with his whole being and deep down he knows he’ll never love another woman like this again, but he doesn’t care. Because no matter what he’s still got Jules, a part of her is his and his alone and he cherishes it like nothing else. 

**

Adam blinks when he sees the tweets. Then he smiles widely, this, this is what he wanted. He sends a tweet to Tommy telling him to take care of his favorite girl because she’s wild. And texts Julia, asking if she needs to talk about that morning.

He gets a text back saying she feels much better and is about to get ready to show Ratliff a good time. About the same time Tommy tweets him that he’ll do his best but makes no promises. Adam laughs out loud, poor Tommy he is nowhere near ready for what’s going to hit him. His claustrophobia will be pushed to its maximum, because Adam knows Julia will be up front and center whipping her hair to the music. She’ll be close enough for James Hetfield to spit on her.

Later Julia sends him a pic of Tommy making devils horn and bouncing to the music, pretty damn close to the scene and Adam’s heart swells. Julia would manage to move mountains if she put her mind to it.

Tommy drops by the next day; he looks tired but happier than Adam has seen him in a long time. Not that he would say Tommy hadn’t been happy lately, he just seems happier.

Weeks go by in a haze, well it’s more like months but who’s counting when you’re having fun, new music is being created and Adam is insanely busy. He makes time to see Tommy and Jules as often as he can and starts to notice that John very often passes on joining them when they meet up. He also notices that Tommy and Jules seems to be really close. 

Tommy doesn’t shy away from Jules’s touch anymore and he is almost as affectionate with her as he is with Adam. There is also something very protective about the way Tommy is around Jules that makes Adam think that Tommy really isn’t over his crush on her. 

When Adam thinks about it he’s pretty sure Tommy hasn’t mentioned dating for at least six months. And he’s fairly sure that when Tommy isn’t with Adam or Julia, then he is hibernating or hanging out with the Carpenters or Mia. This makes him worry about Tommy.

Adam plans to get to the bottom of this and tomorrow is going to be perfect for that.

 

Adam walks through the front-door to Julia and John’s house and inhales deeply, filling his lungs with the delicious scents coming from the kitchen, and smiles. Goliath comes to greet him; waggling his entire body with joy of a visitor and Adam bends down to scratch the dog. Happiness fills him. A dinner with close friends is about as good as it gets. It seems like forever since they have been spending some good quality time together. Adam yells a hello and he frowns a little when he gets none in return. He shrugs the jacket off and hangs it in the hallway and toes off his boots. He grabs the wine he brought and heads for the kitchen together with Goliath, but stops abruptly when he sees two of his best friends wrapped in a tight embrace. Clearly this isn’t just a hello hug. He clears his throat and Tommy quickly releases Jules and steps back avoiding Adam’s searching gaze. Jules sighs and a barely noticeable shiver runs through her. She casts a glance at Tommy before greeting Adam with a warm hug and a quick peck on the lips. Tommy goes to do the same but Adam can’t help but to think that he just interrupted a very private moment and that Tommy seems to be looking a bit guilty. The feeling lingers when he looks at the table beautiful set for three persons, and he asks a little suspicious, “Where is John? I feel like he’s never around these days. Is he really working that hard?”

Jules yanks her head up and her lower lip quivers a little before she looks at Tommy, who looks back at her concerned but also oddly reassuring. There is that protective vibe again. Adam is utterly confused by that and a little pissed at Tommy but one thing is clear to him and that is that Jules is not okay. She is about to burst into tears.

“Oh girl, are you guys having a hard time or something?” the question is asked softly and Adam is already moving towards her to comfort her, but she backs off and put her hands up in a ‘don’t touch me’ gesture,

“I ..uhm.. I ….could you just…” she turns around and runs out the room, her sobs lingering in the room. Adam chokes out a “Jules!” and goes after her only to be stopped by Tommy‘s hand on his arm. Tommy scoots around Adam and looks up at him with an apologetic expression. 

“Give her a minute Adam. Just stay here for a second, I’ll be right back.” Tommy releases Adam and goes after Jules but Adam stops him before he gets through the door.

“Wait… what?... Tommy?! You know something I don’t?” 

Tommy frowns but answers, “Yeah…just give me a moment to see if she’s okay.”

“I can do that,” Adam insists firmly. Tommy isn’t the only one feeling protective here.

Tommy shakes his head and Adam sees honest concern in his eyes when he says, “I don’t think you should, not right now…she walked away! I’ll be right back!” and with that he is out the door and up the stairs.

Adam hauls out a chair and sits, but two seconds later he is on the floor walking around like a caged animal. He is kind of mad at Tommy, he feels like it should be him comforting Jules if there is something wrong, they’ve known each other their whole lives and Tommy has known her for what? He counts months in his head and figures it must be about seven. 

When Tommy returns 20 minutes later steam is practically erupting from Adam’s ears. He’s worried because Jules is upset and he’s worried that perhaps Tommy didn’t listen when he warned him about crushing on a married woman and he doesn’t even wait for Tommy to speak before he demands answers.

“What the hell Tommy? What is going on? And when the hell did the two of you become that close? And please tell me you didn’t pursue her. That this isn’t what’s going on.”

Tommy’s eyes widen in shock but then an angry spark lights his brown eyes, “What? You’re such a dick right now!” 

“Yeah? So tell me if this isn’t about you trying to get in her pants-”

Tommy turns away from Adam, his body tense and dismissive but then he spins around again and walks right up in Adam’s face and spits out, I can’t believe you!! This isn’t about sex! And it was _never_ just about sex for me, but this is not even about me being in love with her. It is about John and Jules and about needing a friend and I was just there. I was just there. What the hell was I supposed to do? Tell her I didn’t care about her when it is pretty clear that I do? You, Adam! You were the one that told me to get over myself and stop being an ass. You! You told me to stop being a child and act more like a friend. And that is all I did! So fuck you very much.”

Adam is speechless. They stare at each other for a moment and Adam sees the exact moment when Tommy realizes what he just admitted. Adam’s anger evaporates in seconds and is replaced with the warm feeling of love and sadness. It must show on his face because Tommy sighs heartbrokenly and says, “I don’t want your pity. Somewhere along the line I accepted that I didn’t get to choose who I fell in love with, not even though the person in question is married. There is nothing I can do about it anyway and neither can you.”

They both hear the little noise that says they’re not alone. Tommy squeezes his eyes shut and Adam instantly wants to take the pain away from Tommy. He watches Tommy as he worries his lip and slowly opens his eyes again before he turns around and meets Jules’s blue eyes. Adam feels a little like a voyeur, when he realizes that they don’t really acknowledge his presence. Julia searches Tommy’s face thoroughly, and slowly she steps closer as if she’s afraid he’ll run away if she moves too quickly.

“You’re in love with me?” she asks in a soft but trembling voice, still coming closer one careful step at a time. Tommy swallows and tries to clear his voice before speaking. “Yeah…”

Another searching look and she takes the last step up so that she’s close enough to touch him. She reaches out and runs a hand from his shoulder down to grab his hand; Tommy curls his fingers around hers. Adam can’t hold back a little broken sound, his heart aches for his friends. They’re both hurting so much, for different reasons obviously and Adam desperately wants to help them both. The little noise Adam makes causes Tommy’s fingers to twitch as if he wants to pull his hand away. Adam guesses that by now Tommy is so used to trying to tone down his emotions that it’s his default mode. 

“Oh Tommy, why didn’t you say anything?”

“There is nothing to say. I can’t have you. I’m okay with that.” He offers her a tiny smile that not by any chance reaches his eyes and Adam knows there is no way Julia will be fooled by it.

“But if I had I known I wouldn’t have pushed Adam for your company whenever you said you weren’t gonna join us. I feel like I forced my friendship on you, and I certainly wouldn’t have put _this_ on your shoulders if I knew. I would never have asked you to…… God, I’m so sorry Tommy.”

He worries his lip before squeezing her hand.

“I don’t mind, I’m still your friend. It changes nothing.”

Adam takes a deep breath, the air is almost too heavy to breathe because two people he cares deeply about obviously both have things they didn’t involve him in. Even though it hurts a bit being left out when he is used to being their ‘go-to-person’, the urge to help and take over, to solve what’s been wrong makes him force the air out with the most urgent question.

“What is going on Jules?”

Julia tears her eyes from Tommy and looks at Adam instead. Adam notices that the concern and sadness that were there when she looked at Tommy is replaced with pure pain. He also notices that she doesn’t let go of Tommy’s hand and that Tommy runs his thumb soothingly over the valley and peaks of her knuckles. Jules looks pleading like she wants him to say ‘nevermind’. Her lower lip starts to quiver again as she whispers, “I don’t know how…” she looks back at Tommy begging him to say what she can’t get over her lips. Tommy smiles sadly and nods. He turns to look at Adam and Adam sees some of the pain in Jules’s eyes transferred to Tommy’s.

“They can’t get pregnant, John is sterile and he’s having a hard ….. _they’re_ having a hard time dealing. “

Suddenly Adam understands why she is so upset, there are actually a lot of things that fall into place and he takes the one step forward that is necessary before he envelopes her in a warm hug. It is a little awkward since she is still holding on to Tommy, but none of them seem to care.

“Oh baby,” Adam whispers softly. Julia lets out a little cramped sigh but relaxes into the hug.

“I feel like I’m losing everything…… the chance to be a mother…. John.”

“You’re not losing John,” Adam says into her hair and it muffles his voice but it doesn’t matter. “He loves you so much; there isn’t anything he wouldn’t do to make you happy.”

“I know, that’s what scares me; I think he might leave me so I could have that chance at becoming a mother. There is such a gap between us these days and it only becomes larger all the time.”

Adam sneaks a peek at Tommy thinking about what those words must do to him. But Tommy just stands there with his hand in Julia’s, doing his best to comfort her through the soft caress of his thumb. Adam returns his attention to Julia.

“You’ll work through things, you always have. And there are other ways to become parents. You two need to talk Jules, about all the things that scare you. About alternatives.”

“I know, but he doesn’t wanna talk. Whenever I push he avoids me. I needed someone to listen and Tommy…” she stops talking and releases herself from Adam’s embrace to look at Tommy with nothing but love and sadness in her eyes. “I never meant to hurt you! I would never have asked you for…. Well you know …if I had known. Tommy you have to know that.”

Tommy nods and even though Adam is puzzled about what Jules has been asking Tommy for, it sounds like a whole lot more than just friendship to him, he’s in awe of the strength Tommy’s voice carries when he answers Julia.

“Don’t go there sweetheart! It is not about me.”

Julia tears up and Tommy reaches out to catch the falling drop in the corner of her eye before it runs down her cheek. And Adam figures that he has to ask if he wants to know.

“Ask him for what?”

Julia returns her gaze to Adam and is just about to speak when Tommy pleads, “Please don’t Jules!”

Without looking away from Adam but instead searching his eyes like it is the port to his soul she says quietly, “Why? Adam will understand.”

Tommy shakes his head vigorously and pulls his hand free of Julia’s. He takes two fast steps backwards and says firmly, “Well I’m not sticking around for that. I’m not getting my head chewed off twice in one day.”

“Tommy?!” Julia’s voice travels behind Tommy as he rushes through the hallway in a hunt for his boots and jacket. Julia follows him as he pulls on the boots and hauls his jacket from the hanger; he throws it over his arm, not bothering with putting it on. 

Julia stops him with a hand on his arm when he opens the door; he turns and glances at Adam who is utterly confused, before he kisses Julia’s temple. “I’ll leave you two to talk. Say hi to John for me when he gets home okay?” and then he’s out the door.

Adam sighs and fights the urge to run after Tommy. To make him spill it himself, because no matter what it really can’t be that bad compared to the mess he’s already in. Instead he looks at Julia, “So baby tell me what this is all about.”

And Julia does.

**

A loud knocking on the door pulls Tommy out of the world of music that he’s hiding in. He pulls off the headphones and with the most care he puts his guitar on the bed just as another angry sound of rapid knocking starts.

He sighs; there is no doubt in his mind about who it is. Talking mostly to himself he says, “Hold your horses I’m coming.”

When he opens the door Adam brushes right past him and with a concerned look in his eyes he pins Tommy to the floor. “What were you thinking?”

“Hello to you too and please come in!” Tommy snaps. He really doesn’t need this; the day was hard enough as it is. And he already feels wrung out.

Adam sounds overly patient and pissed at the same time when he takes a step towards Tommy. “We need to talk Tommy.”

It strikes a nerve in Tommy and suddenly it’s enough. He didn’t choose this for himself and he’s sick and tired of feeling guilty about it on top of being miserable most of the time. “No we don’t Adam. I’ve done nothing wrong and it is MY LIFE GOD DAMN IT!”

Adam sighs and his gaze goes soft. “I know baby, we still need to talk.”

Tommy hates Adam a little for that. He already told Adam he didn’t want his pity and to be honest he feels like yelling and throwing things, like that will keep him sane for a while.

“About?!” Tommy spits out.

Adam doesn’t take the bait. “Jules obviously, and you.” He just moves closer and everything about him says patience and love and it breaks Tommy apart.

“Stay out of it Adam. Please. This is hard enough as it is.” He backs away, because really, tears will fall if Adam touches him right now.

“Yeah I’m beginning to understand that. Why didn’t you tell me you were falling in love with her?”

Tommy desperately hangs on to the little bit of anger he still feels. “Really Adam? You fucking told me you didn’t approve of my ‘crush’. Why would I tell you that it wasn’t that? Why would I tell you that I’m in love with her?”

“Because that’s what friends do. I love you Tommy, I want to be there for you. Even when it hurts me so tell me about all of this.”

Because he still isn’t ready for Adam to wrap him into one of those awesome bearhugs, Tommy goes into the living room and sits down on the couch. He pulls his legs up under him and takes a pillow and hugs it. Adam sits down next to him but he must sense Tommy’s fragility because he doesn’t reach out to him the way he usually does. Tommy is suddenly a little torn between wanting to keep his shit together and the need to feel Adam’s arms around him and let him shatter.

“There isn’t much to say is there?” Tommy starts. “I’m in love with a married woman who doesn’t return my feelings. And to make things worse I actually like her husband. It sucks in ways I can’t even describe.” Tommy keeps his eyes on the pillow and plucks at it, if he looks up at Adam he’s gonna crawl up on his lap like a needy little kitten. “It hurts so much but I can’t stay away. I tried that and if being her friend is what I can get, I’ll be that. I’ll be whatever she allows me to be.”

“Hmm. She told me, when you left she told me what she asked of you. She also told me you said yes to it, but that John didn’t think it would be fair to any of you.”

“Yeah I figured she would.”

The couch dips when Adam changes his position and puts an arm over the back of it. It feels like an invitation but Tommy stubbornly stays put. Still not ready to let his tears fall.

Adam moves a bit again and puts a finger under Tommy’s chin forcing him to look him in the eye. “Do you love her that much? That you would-”

“Give her a child? Yeah I do.” Tommy says, tense and fierce. He knows himself well enough to know it would be the right thing to do. 

“But it wouldn’t be your kid Tommy, it would be theirs. Jules and John’s,” Adam says softly searching Tommy’s eyes as Tommy stares back. Completely open.

“I know. But it would make her a mother and she wants that more than anything in the world…how could I say no to her. I want her to be happy.”

Tommy sees that Adam is torn between being concerned and proud. He wants to take the concern away, he hates he’s the reason Adam feels it. He still feels like this is his mess and that Adam shouldn’t be dragged into it. 

“But what if John had said yes to her idea,” Adam says. “and for some reason he couldn’t deal with you in their life afterwards? You would have a biological child you couldn’t see.”

He knows it probably doesn’t make sense if you’re not in the middle of it but he tries to make Adam understand anyway. “She would still be a mother; she would have loved that child as much as I love her.”

Adam looks at him for a long time and then he reaches out and pulls Tommy onto his lap. Tommy clings to him and buries his head in Adam’s shoulder; lets Adam take care of him and he finally lets go and breaks into a million pieces, crying his eyes out and ruining Adam’s shirt. He cries for him, for Julia and he even cries for John. The world is a fucked up place. Adam holds him and cards his fingers through Tommy’s hair soothingly the entire time.

“Oh God Tommy.” He whispers, “I’m so sorry I didn’t understand this before. I’m sorry for what you have to go through here. I’m sorry that you felt like you had to keep it to yourself.”

When Tommy is done crying he shoves a little at Adam’s shoulder and looks up through wet lashes, a tiny smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah well I blame you; you’re the one who told me I would love her just as much as you.”

“My little Tommy Joe is in love,” Adam says affectionately and presses a soft kiss to Tommy’s lips. Tommy kisses back. And when he snuggles into Adam’s arms again he sighs and says, “Highly exaggerated feeling. Not much fun.”

“I can only imagine,” Adam says and holds Tommy a bit tighter.

**

Tommy and Jules don’t really talk about that confession. It seems to be a mutual decision, some weird kind of taboo. Tommy doesn’t really think too much about it, nothing really changes except for Adam being overly protective of him and oh yeah, Adam seems to meet a lot of pretty and ‘ohmygod’ sweet girls he just has to introduce Tommy to. He loves Adam for it as much as it annoys him. He’s a big boy, he did okay before Adam knew and he doesn’t really want to meet those girls, but he goes anyway because it makes Adam less worried and because he knows it’s the right thing to do.

Julia still needs him, he still needs her. They make it work. Three months run by. He worries about Jules and John, they’re in a really bad place, they fight a lot and harsh words get thrown around. It breaks his heart because it breaks hers. But other than that he’s fine. Or at least that’s what he tells himself. 

The call comes late on one of his insomnia nights. He almost doesn’t answer because he already knows what she is going to say and he is not sure he can deal. One thing is knowing she can’t be his because she is bound to another man. But if he’s right about the call, then that’s no longer the case and then the rejection will be for another reason. He’s kind of terrified when he answers. But he still puts on his leather jacket and drives the 30 minutes it takes to get there, because he was right and because she asked him to.

She doesn’t let him in, John does. Tommy has no idea what to say to him so he just stands there on the doorstep, feeling like an intruder. But John looks somewhat relieved at the sight of him.

“I wasn’t going to leave before you got here; she needs a best friend right now. I’ve been that person for years but-” John stops himself and looks back and up the stairwell.

“Yeah. I’m sorry man,” Tommy says, because really? What can you say?

John sighs, “You and me both. It’s not that I don’t love her; I mean how can I not? But we’re killing each other slowly. It has to end, there is too much pain between us to make it work. We haven’t even touched each other for months.”

“I know.” Gods, he knows about all of it and it’s been hurting him too.

John looks at him pleadingly. “Stay with her? At least until-”

Tommy nods. “Don’t worry. I’ll stay for as long as she needs it.”

“You’re a good man Tommy.” 

The relief is clear on John’s face and Tommy feels like a cockroach. He forces a polite smile. “Thanks, I better..” Tommy motions his hand and John nods and hoists his packed suitcase. They do an awkward little dance around each other so they exchange places. John looks up the stairwell one last time. “Yeah, I’ll be gone the next week and then I’ll…. Yeah.”

“Take care,” Tommy says before closing the door silently behind John. Tommy worries his lip and contemplates on what to do. He decides to make Jules a cup of tea first and when that’s done he carries it up stairs. He stops in front of the door to their bedroom. It’s actually the only room he’s never been in before. He braces himself and pushes the door ajar.

“Jules?”

There is the sound of a small sniff and a ruffle of sheets. “Tommy?”

“Yeah it’s me. John just left, can I come in?”

A light flickers and the room gets a warm and inviting glow. “Yeah, please do.” She sits up in the bed and pulls the duvet tight around her. Tommy enters the room and takes a good look at her. He hates what he sees. Her hair is a mess, she’s red eyed and puffy from crying. But what he hates the most is the hurt in those eyes. He puts the mug on the night stand and sits down on the bed, so close to the edge that it takes effort to stay put. She moves to make more room for him and he takes the bait.

They just look at each other, words are not really necessary. Tommy tucks a stray lock of her hair behind her ear and with a broken sound she throws her arms around him, sobbing. He holds her, whispers soft nonsense and words of comfort to her and lets her cry. At some point it gets too hard to sit like that and almost scared of moving he manages to shift his weight. She pulls back and looks at him, tears are running down her cheeks. She looks just as heartbroken as she must be but to him she is still the most beautiful enchanting creature in the world.

She scoots back in the bed and pulls the duvet aside. Tommy toes off his shoes and climbs in. Once he’s settled she snuggles close and he envelopes her in his arms. One of his hands runs soothingly over her shoulder and arm in a monotone pattern and the other one plays with her hair. They stay like this until she falls asleep. Tommy watches her sleep for a couple of hours while the sun makes her entry on the sky before he finally falls asleep.

Tommy is being pulled out of a dream about Julia. A wonderful dream, where Julia is kissing him touching him and seducing him in the sweetest way. He fights to stay in that happy place when he feels a thigh glide in between his. Kisses are generously pressed along his jaw and throat and he rolls his head a bit to make space. A hand caresses the skin on his stomach and pushes the t-shirt up. He arches his back, makes the slide of the t-shirt easier and chases that touch. Somewhere along the line his brain tells him that this is not a dream, it’s too good to be so and he forces his eyes up. Piercing blue eyes are staring at him intensely. Jules is laying half way on top of him and it’s her hand, her real hand, not a dream one, that makes his skin burn. It’s her real thigh between his legs and the desire in her eyes makes him gasp. He wants this, has been wanting it for almost a year, but this is wrong. It’s too soon to be about him.

“You’ve got such pretty lips.” She sucks her lip into her mouth and trails the seam of his lips with a finger. Her gaze burns and he fights the need to lick his lips and focuses to stay completely still.

“Jules,” he warns. 

She keeps her eyes on his lips and whispers a “please.” Before she ducks down to kiss him.

Without permission his hands curl in her hair and before his mind kicks in he’s kissing her back, like there’s no tomorrow. It’s not an urgent kiss, like he kinda imagined it would be after nearly a year of longing. It’s gentle and searching and deep and it tears him open and raw. Julia’s hand explores his chest and he gathers enough sanity between nips at lips to pant out, “We can’t do this, Jules.”

Julia’s hand runs down his thigh and up on the inner side of it until she reaches his crotch. His stupid body commits high treason and bucks up to meet her hand when she cups him through his jeans.

“Yeah we can,” she whispers and kisses him thoroughly, adding a hungry edge to the kiss. When their lips part and she locks gaze with him there is a plea in there he can’t deny no matter how hard he tries.

“Make love to me, I need to feel loved, please Tommy.”

And Tommy does, he pours his love into it, his heart. And he breaks while doing it.

After, when she’s lying under him basking in the afterglow and his attention, then he kisses her, cradles her face and memorizes everything about her, puts it away in a safe place in his heart and locks it away, knowing this is never going to happen again. It’ll kill him if it does.

“Jules?” he whispers between soft lingering kisses.

“Hmm.”

“Please don’t ever do that to me again.”

“What?” she opens her eyes and looks at him like he just dropped a bucket of ice water on her.

“I can’t be that guy for you. I’ll be anything else. Anything you need, but not that.”

She tries to sit up but he pushes her back onto the mattress. She grabs on to his face and looks him in the eye. “What are you talking about?”

“Please don’t use me like this again. It will be the end of me.”

“Use you? Tommy I love you.”

He nods and presses another kiss to her lips, she opens up invites him in with a flicker of her tongue and he caves. One last kiss isn’t going to make a difference.

“I know you do and I love you too,” he says as he rolls off her and sits on the edge of the bed. He looks at her over his shoulder. “But you don’t love me the way I want you to. And that’s fine, I can deal with that, but this? This breaks me. I’m going to take a shower, then I’m gonna call Adam to come and stay with you.” 

“Tommy.” She takes his hand, tries to hold him back. He lets her.

“I might need a little time before I come around again, but I will, I promise. I just need to regroup and so do you.”

“So that’s it. You’re just going to have the last say in this.” She sounds angry and he feels a spark of anger himself. 

“Julia. Your husband of eleven years went out the front-door eight hours ago. So yeah I do.”

Tommy gathers his clothes and while he walks to the bathroom he calls Adam, telling him about the soon to be divorce and asks him if he can hold Julia together for a while.

Adam doesn’t ask why Tommy isn’t doing it. Tommy owes him his sanity for that and makes sure to be out the door before Adam shows up. He drives straight out to Isaac and Sophie. And somehow he survives his broken heart all the way out there. Sophie’s hug unleashes his tears and Isaac makes a bed for him in the guest room and stays with him until he falls asleep. The irony is nowhere lost on Tommy. 

** *

When Adam reaches Julia’s house he expects a crying heartbroken sorry excuse of a human being. Not a pancake baking freshly showered girl in sweats blasting NIN so her kitchen windows vibrate. He should have known she would react exactly this way. He shakes his head at the music and turns it off and goes to hug Julia. “Hi baby.”

She hugs him back fiercely “Hi.”

“Sucky world huh?” Adam says and Julia nods. 

”Beyond. Adam?”

“Yeah.” 

She releases herself from his arms and turns to flip the last pancake.

“I did a terrible thing and I need you to do something for me.” Adam feels like his brows might hit his hairline, he did so not expect that.

“What-”

She waves the spatula and interrupts his question, “But before I tell you about that, I need to tell you about John and me.”

Adam hums agreeing, “I know, Jules, Tommy called. Why do you think I’m here?”

Julia makes a sad little sound. “I know he did, he was here when he called you.”

Thoughtfully she sets the table and feeds Goliath before sitting down. Adam stacks pancakes on his plate and pours coffee for them both while waiting for Julia to begin talking again.

“We’re getting a divorce. I bawled my eyes out yesterday.”

Adam looks at her and nods, silently telling her to go on. “I fell in love with this awesome person and was lucky enough that he loved me back. Life messed that up for us and that sucks.” The words comes tumbling out of her and Adam listens. “But the thing is that last night I was mostly upset about the fact that I’ve lost one of my best friends in the process. We can’t really say four nice words to each other when we’re alone. The love we shared died maybe six months ago and ever since we fought to keep the dream of what could have been alive. We clung to it like spidermonkeys but didn’t know how to deal with all the guilt and sorrow and anger between us. We didn’t want to hurt each other and ended up doing exactly that because we were too scared. It was stupid and naïve. And I’m sorry we didn’t know better.” 

“So what you’re saying is you’re sad John can’t be in your life because you lost him as a friend?”

“Yeah. I’ve already cried a thousand tears over losing the romantic kind of love. This divorce, it didn’t just happen…it took us awhile to get here. We had to admit…. we had to let go of the dream of the perfect family, to set free the other person in this marriage. I don’t really love him anymore and haven’t for quite some time. I’ll be alright, I just need to find my feet. It still sucks, though.”

Adam nods, he thinks he understands. “I have to ask Julia and please don’t take this the wrong way but…. Did you ever consider to adopt or foster a child?”

“We talked about adopting, so many times. But John never really….. it hurt him too much, emasculated him somehow that he couldn’t be the biological dad, even if I wouldn’t be the real mom either. When it comes down to it, it was the same reason he couldn’t accept the idea of Tommy donating sperm. It wasn’t because it was Tommy. I guess I understand that, but it also hurt me and eventually it began to piss me off. I guess I was being a self-centered bitch who wanted a kid too much to really deal with his feelings the way I should have been able to. I hate that about myself, but it’s too late to change now.” 

Julia looks so together that it makes Adam a little worried that she is putting up a façade, it must show on his face because she smiles thinly and says, “I’m alright, I’m not fine but I think the divorce will actually get me there. Both John and I need it. To let each other go.” 

“And where does Tommy fit in all this?”

She shrugs. “That’s the thing. I don’t know, Adam. All I know is that he is not the reason any of this happened.” She looks at him sternly.

“That wasn’t why I asked but you don’t know?”

“No. I know I love him, I mean he’s Tommy.” She laughs a little. “I think maybe the man above decided I needed an angel watching over me and he sent Tommy to do the job, because really?” 

She jokes, it’s obvious but Adam sees something in her eyes that makes his gut twist a little. “He’s no angel baby. He’s very much a man. Perhaps the strongest one I’ve ever met. But everyone has a breaking point.”

She looks away and Adam’s stomach twists painfully. Julia focuses on cutting her pancake when she speaks, “Yeah about that. I think I messed up and I need yo-”

Oh no no no no is all that runs through Adam’s mind. He fucking knew there was a reason Tommy asked him to show up. “Messed up? How? Why? Jules?” he demands.

She looks nothing but guilty. “He came over last night because I needed him here. I know it was selfish but I needed him, I needed him to do what he always does.

“What’s that?” It’s not that Adam doesn’t know because he does, but he needs to know if Julia knows too.

“Loves me without boundaries. He held me through the night; let me soak his shirt as I cried my eyes out over things that could have been,” she says quietly.

“Sounds like Tommy.”

“Yeah, I woke up to this gorgeous man in my bed. To this person that loves me so much he puts aside everything, everything for me, and I wanted so bad to feel loved.” 

She won’t look at him and Adam realizes what it is she’s trying to get across here. Fuck. “Tell me you didn’t have sex with him.”

“I begged him to make love to me and he did. I’ve never felt this worshiped. I know I don’t have much to compare with since John is the only- it’s never been this intense before and to be honest he blew my mind.”

Adam puts his head in his hands and curses quietly.

Julia’s voice trembles. “When it was over he left me, asking me to never do that to him again, that it would kill him. That he needed space and time to get over this. That I broke him. Adam I hurt him, so bad. I swear I didn’t mean to.”

Julia reaches across the table for Adam’s hands. Adam twines their fingers together. “Fuck, Julia Morgan! What a mess you’re in. You sure know how to just dive in.”

She rolls her eyes. “I need you to find him, to be there for him, he needs you.”

Adam nods; he has a pretty good idea just how affected Tommy will be after this. But he needs to know Julia will be okay on her own. “What about you?”

“I’ll be fine, well no, I won’t but I’ll get by. I need you to do this for me. Please?”

She looks at him pleading and Adam nods. “I need to know one thing, Julia and no bullshit you hear?”

She agrees and Adam continues. “Are you in love with him; is that what this is about?”

“I don’t know, Adam. Do I love him? Yes! Do I want to feel like he makes me feel? Yes! But I’ve never ever let myself think about Tommy, or any other man for that matter in that way before, I’ve been married to John. I’m not sure what I feel for him, right now I’m confused and even though I was in love with him then he was right when he said it was too soon for me to really…” 

“God,” Adam says. “There is no end to what he gives.” Adam takes his phone out and tries to call Tommy, but it goes to voice mail. He calls Isaac then, but gets Sophie instead. She confirms Tommy is there and Adam tells her he’ll be there as soon as possible.

“Call me?” Julia asks, “and let me know how he is? Please.”

“Yeah I’ll call, are you sure-”

“Go.”

Adam hugs her in the doorway and she mumbles that she’s gonna be fine, that she has tons of stuff she needs to do and that she is sorry. So, so sorry. And Adam drives off feeling utterly torn between his friends. 

He hurries through his friend’s house and finds Tommy sleeping in a fetal position. Isaac is sitting in a chair close by and he meets Adam’s frantic gaze. “How is he?”

Isaac frowns and shrugs his shoulders. “He hasn’t said much, but I got out of him it was about Julia. I’ve never seen him like this. I guess you have when his father died but….” 

Adam is not sure this will be anything like when Ron died. “How long has he been sleeping?”

“Half an hour maybe?”

Adam looks at Tommy who seems tiny and fragile lying like that, and back at Isaac. “You can..” Adam points at the door. “I’m gonna stay with him.”

Isaac stands up. “Is he going to be okay?” his voice is laced with love and so is the look he throws the sleeping Tommy on the bed.

“Honestly? I don’t know. But we’re going to do our best aren’t we?” 

Isaac squeezes Adam’s arm. “Yeah. I’ll make you some coffee.”

Adam waits for Tommy to wake up by himself. He sits in that chair for hours. Isaac and Sophie takes turns checking on them. 

When Tommy wakes up, his first response to seeing Adam sitting on the edge of the chair is disbelief followed by anger, but Adam kind of expected that.

“What the fuck Adam? I asked you to stay with her!” Tommy spits out as he pushes himself up into a sitting position.”

Adam keeps his voice low and lets all his love and care shine right through when he answers, “I know, she asked me to come here.”

Tommy stands up and looks at the door as if he’s thinking about running right back to Julia if Adam doesn’t. “She’s hurting! She needs a friend. Damn it I shouldn’t have left.” He takes a step towards the door and Adam stands up, very deliberately keeping his movements slow but stopping Tommy with his words. ”She told me, Tommy. Everything! About last night and this morning.”

Tommy whips around and stares at Adam. His eyes are almost black, fury disguising the pain Adam knows he’s feeling. “This isn’t about me!” Tommy yells. “I knew what I went into, when she—She’s getting a divorce, for Christ sake! I spent the entire night holding her, she was crying.”

Adam moves closer and keeps his voice soft. “I know.” He knows Tommy’s anger has nothing to do with him and he can take it all.

“She is getting a divorce.” Tommy says with less anger.

Adam almost whispers the words out when he moves even closer, he keeps Tommy’s gaze locked in his the whole time. “I know baby.”

Adam pulls Tommy carefully into his arms and Tommy finally lets go of the anger. Crying into Adam’s neck he says, “Adam It hurts, it hurts so much. I can’t….. I want…. I need her.” Adam holds Tommy close with a hand in his hair and the other one between his shoulder blades, trying his best to comfort him.

“I need her like a fucking drowning man needs the air. This is killing me, and she’ll never be mine, she doesn’t want me. She doesn’t want me.”

Adam thinks about the conversation he had with Julia earlier, “Maybe she does Tommy, but she’ll need time to-”

Tommy shakes his head. “No, Adam. She needed closeness, not me.”

Adam doesn’t know what to say; maybe Tommy isn’t all that wrong here either. “Shsss Baby, I got you.” He murmurs. “Let it out.”

“I don’t know what to do. I got a fucking glimpse of what could have been if I was someone else. I don’t fucking know how to…” Tommy’s crying stills a bit together with his words but he stays in Adam’s arms.

“I know.” He knows better than to tell Tommy it will get better, he’ll do that later. For now he’ll just let Tommy shatter. 

They get through the day and Adam calls Julia, sugarcoating things a bit when he does. He thinks it’s his prerogative, there is no need in making her worry more, she’s got enough on her mind as it is.

Adam will never know how Tommy does it.After a week of pulling himself together he tells Adam that he is gonna drive by Julia’s and get Goliath on his way home, he promised to dog sit while her and John divide things and John moves out. 

“What? She called you to pick up the _dog_? I can’t believe- ” Adam reaches for his phone. 

Tommy looks a little rattled by Adam’s harsh voice. “What are you—oh no Adam, Jules didn’t call me there is no need for that.” Tommy snatches the phone right out of Adam’s hand and throws it on the couch. “I called her; I needed to know how she was doing.”

Adam looks at Tommy skeptically. “Why? Why would you do that?”

“Because I love her? Because I needed to hear that she’s okay? Why do you think?” Tommy sounds sardonic and tired all together.

Adam sighs heavily. He holds Tommy’s gaze and says firmly. “I told you she’s doing okay. You need to stay away. Damn it Tommy you have to let yourself heal and let me worry about Jules. I’ve been her friend my whole life. I think I can handle the task.”

Tommy’s eyes grow big as he yells, “This isn’t about what you can do. It’s about what I can do. And I can’t fucking stay away.”

Adam loses his patience and before he realizes it he raises his voice, too. “You have to, Tommy! You’ll never get over all this if you keep going back. You need to get back on your feet before you-”

Tommy tilts his head, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Don’t you _dare_ tell me what to do! I’m a fucking grown up. I can handle my own mess. I do _not_ need you to make decisions for me.”

They’re both yelling and Adam hates it but he can’t, won’t, let Tommy be this self-destructive. “I don’t want to make decisions for you! I want to keep you safe; I want you to be happy again.”

“Then stop meddling. Let me do this and be there if I can’t handle things.”

“But I don’t want you to reach that point.” say Adam, throwing his hands in the air. 

Tommy says in a calmer tone. ”Oh for fucks sake, have some faith in me. I know my own limits.”

“Do you?” 

Adam is far from sure, but Tommy looks so confident when he says, “Yeah I do. Besides I’m getting Goliath and going home. I’m not staying but it gives me the possibility to see her. I need to make sure we’re alright. You know after…?”

Adam doesn’t answer that, he just raises a perfect shaped eyebrow.

“I don’t even know why I told you. I hate fighting with you,” Tommy says turning away from Adam. 

Adam walks over to Tommy and puts a hand on his shoulder and a sigh softens his voice, “I know, me too.”

Tommy snorts. “Then butt out Adam.”

“Okay…..” Tommy turns to look at Adam as Adam continues, “but call me when you get home?”

“Why?”

“I just… I need to know you’re okay.”

“Fine” Tommy shrugs, but in such a dismissive way that Adam doubts he’ll actually do it.

“Tommy.”

Adam gets a little smile. “Yeah, I’ll call you. Jesus! You’re making me feel like a kid.”

“I’m sorry, that’s not my intention, I …” Adam pulls Tommy into a hug.

“Yeah I know. You love me and all that bullshit,” Tommy mumbles.

“Exactly.” Relieved that Tommy understands Adam lets out a happy sigh.

“Love you too.” Tommy says quietly.

“I know.”

“Bastard.”

**

After a couple of more weeks Adam starts to believe Tommy knows what he’s doing. He seems, not happy but getting there. He’s still there for Julia all the way. Nothing has changed there, but Adam still tries to make sure he’s the one Julia calls when she needs a friend and not Tommy. But sometimes he gets the feeling Julia doesn’t need a friend per se, but Tommy. 

Sometimes Adam thinks he catches Jules looking at Tommy in that moon eyed in love kind of way but he’s not really sure because Jules has always looked at Tommy like he hung the moon. He wonders if he should just ask her if she is in love with Tommy, but somehow it never comes up, it never feels right.

After two months it feels like nothing ever happened, except for not needing to ask where John is. The divorce gets finalized in silence. Life moves on. Tommy asks Adam for nights out, not clubbing but just a beer in a bar with friends. It makes Adam happy. 

A couple of more months go by and Adam feels like happiness sneaks up on them all. He throws a barbecue party again and Tommy surprises them all when he brings a date.

Adam is the first one to greet them. The woman is pretty in that girl next door kind of way, she has a brilliant smile and it sparks something in Adam’s memory. Tommy introduces her as Amelia.

“Oh, I remember we met some weeks ago in a shady city bar didn’t we?” Adam asks her.

Amelia looks up at Tommy who smiles widely, catching Adam’s joke right away.

“Yeah. We did,” she says. 

Tommy hugs Adam and they kiss each other chastely on the lips before Tommy guides her around with a hand on the small of her back to meet everybody. Adam sees Julia come out of the kitchen chatting with Neil. She sees Tommy first because her eyes light up and that special smile, the one Adam secretly calls the Tommy-smile, makes her features softer. That is until she spots the woman and where Tommy’s hand is. Jules’s eyes go wide and Adam swears her eye color changes to a much colder kind of blue. And Adam is sort of happy that Tommy is moving in the other direction and can’t hear Julia when she hisses out a “What the fuck?”

“Hmm what?” Neil says, looking puzzled. Adam hurries over.

“He brought a date? Why would he do that?” She is not really talking to Neil, actually she is talking to Adam, who sees regret, jealousy and pain in her eyes.

Neil answers anyway; he hasn’t noticed the look Adam and Julia share. “Because he wants a relationship?” Neil tries. “Or you know it could be he needs some fooling around, you and Adam can’t really give him everything he needs.” Julia shoves the glasses she was getting from the kitchen into Neil’s hands and walks right past Adam. He grabs her arm and holds her back and drags her into a corner shielding them from nosy eyes. Neil follows. 

Julia gives Adam a fiery look, “Just going to say hi.” Adam snorts. 

“Obviously. But think before you do, be smart about this.”

“Smart? About Tommy?” Neil intervenes, looking much like the moon kicked him off and he landed on earth violently.

Adam and Julia don’t answer him but stare at each other. “If you really want him and this isn’t just a possessive ‘he is mine’ thing, then going over there to rip that poor girl’s head off sure as hell isn’t making your case. I don’t know how he did it. He recovered after that night with you, but don’t toy with him, Jules. He is finally after more than a year of hoping you’d fall in love with him too, moving on.”

“You slept with Tommy?”

“Shut up Neil.” Adam and Julia say in unison.

“I am in love with him. But I can’t seem to make him see that. For the last two months or so I’ve known for sure. I had a lot of things I needed to get straight about my feelings about him before-”

“Like what?” Adam asks, because how hard can it really be. She had said she didn’t love John for some time, said she loved Tommy and how he made her feel. So how much more was there to juggle with before coming to that conclusion?

“Like if I could stand on my own two legs and not be a needy little bitch. Like if I had all these feelings because of the best sex ever? Or if it’s just because it’s a good feeling to be loved without boundaries.” Adam thinks if the fire in her eye builds then she is going to spontaneously combust, he’s never seen her this fierce before.

“But perhaps the biggest issue was if I wanted to be with him because he already promised me what I thought I wanted the most, kids. Because you know what, Adam? If yes would have been the answer to just one of those questions then he would deserve much better than me and going after him would have been selfish. I already hurt him too much. I’m not ever going to do that again.”

The fire in her makes Adam’s heart melt. “Um, gotta ask this gurl, if kids aren’t what you want the most anymore, then what do you want the most?”

“Really Adam? Okay, then. Him! I’ve been hinting at him for two months now and _nothing_ and now he shows up with a _date._ ”

“Sorry baby, but A+++ answer.” Adam says at the exact same time Neil says. “Go rip the poor girls head off, maybe that’s the kind of hint he needs.” 

Both Adam and Julia looks at him wide eyed. “What?” Neil says. “I’m just saying it sounds like Tommy has been doing a lot of giving here, maybe the man needs a hint with a crowbar because I sure as hell would. You can’t really blame the dude if he stopped believing it would ever happen.”

Adam shrugs, his brother made a good point, and knowing Tommy, Adam is pretty sure Julia isn’t too late anyway. He probably would wait for her his entire life, doing it the Johnny Cash way. That thought makes Adam gigglesnort out loud. “Don’t rip her head off but go get your man, use all your girly flirty tricks on him and seduce the fuck out of him or something like that. Go compete for him.”

“Thanks Adam.” She hugs him and runs off to say hi to Tommy.

“So Jules and Tommy, huh?” Neil says snickering.

“Tommy and Jules!”

“Awesome.”

“Yeah.” Adam hopes for awesome.

**

Tommy is talking to Scarlett when he feels a too familiar female body press against his back. Two small hands cover his eyes. Julia’s scent and warmth embraces him and as always it hits him in his heart. Before she has a chance to say anything he says, “Well hello there stranger, did you miss me?” He expects her to release him so he can turn around and give her the usual hug and kiss hello, but she instead she does what she did to Neil that very first time Tommy met her. She bites his earlobe gently and giggles. Her breath tickles and lust hits him so hard it makes him gasp. 

“Yes I did.” She whispers in his ear before letting go of him.

He trembles and curses her in his mind, lately her flirting has increased and it’s getting harder and harder to deal with. He even caught himself thinking it would be a relief when she finally starts dating again. It hurts that she doesn’t think about what it does to him, but on the other hand he knows he’s a sucker for self-torment because he basks in her attention every freaking time. He’s a dumbass, a dumbass in love. And he knows it. Anyway that’s why he thought it was time to try and date again.

She hugs him tightly, the way she always does and tilts her face up expecting a kiss. He stares at her lips and thinks. No, not this time. So he pecks her cheek and his heart clenches when he sees her disappointment. He didn’t mean to offend her; he was just looking out for himself. Her little hide and seek game threw him off.

“Gonna introduce me to your date?” She asks and Tommy thinks her voice is a little too sugary to suit her. 

“Sure, this is Amelia.” He makes a move with his hand towards the Amelia, “Amelia, this is Julia.” The girls shake hands and exchanges courtesies. Scarlett hands over Riff to Tommy and he cuddles him, he fucking loves that child. He looks at Julia over Riff’s head and the gaze of longing he sees messes with him.

“You know you just gotta say the word. You don’t need John to be a mother.” He says quietly.

“I know my love, but a kid needs a daddy too, or maybe it’s the mother that needs a man, so she won’t smother the poor kid.” She winks at him and sends Amelia a telling glance. “And it looks like you’ve got other plans.”

Riff reaches out to Julia and Tommy hands him over. Scarlett laughs. “That’s actually true.” Tommy has no idea what to say. Julia fucking knows he would be there every step of the way. 

The day is one of the most confusing ones Tommy has ever lived through. Julia isn’t obviously rude to his date, but it’s pretty damn clear to him she doesn’t approve, and she flirts shamelessly all day, touching him every damn chance she gets. And it’s not just the usual cuddly things that are a part of how they are together. And Adam seems to be watching him all the damn time, looking amused when he squirms away from her. Adam of all people should know what it does to him.

When Julia’s hand glides a little too far up his thigh for it to feel good, well it feels good, too good to be comfortable actually, he loses it.

He jumps off the chair and topples a glass of red wine in the process. He doesn’t bother with cleaning it up or even apologizing, though. He glares at Julia. “What the hell Jules? Kitchen now! You and me are gonna talk.” Julia fucking looks like the cat that got the milk and Neil of all people looks at his brother and snickers. Adam looks at Julia getting off her chair and says, “Be smart about this, Jules.” What is wrong with them? Tommy thinks he is so going to tell Adam a thing or two when he is done with Julia. When he stomps off with Julia in tow he hears Amelia asking, “So I guess there is something unfinished there, am I right?” He doesn’t hear if someone answers her. He doesn’t really care either.

He is going for the kitchen, that’s where they’re going to sort this out, he shuts the door and releases his hold on Julia.

Frustrated, he runs a hand through his hair. Julia crowds his personal space when she puts her arms around his waist. He takes a hold of her hands and pushes her away. “What the hell is wrong with you? You gotta stop doing this Jules. I told you I couldn’t be that guy for you. You’re hurting me.” He knows he sounds like a tired old soul but he figures it’s better than biting her head off.

“Tommy,” Julia tries.

Tommy knows he has reached his breaking point, if this doesn’t stop then he has to let go and see what life without her in it looks like. He can’t keep doing this to himself. “No, you gotta listen to me. I get that you probably feel lonely or horny, or whatever. But I wasn’t lying that day. You’re killing me here. You gotta stop doing that.”

Julia smiles and reaches out for him again. “I’m-” 

Tommy backs away until he feels the edge of the kitchen counter and glares at her when she steps closer. “The last couple of months have been torture. This flirting thing that seems to be our default mode? It has got to stop. I mean it.”

She moves closer and he can’t really back away, seems like he should have paid attention before he backed himself into a corner. Julia puts a hand on both sides of him, keeping him trapped. “Well boo hoo.” she says. “They haven’t exactly been fun for me either because you won’t accept what’s right in front of you.”

“What?” He is absolutely sure he misunderstood her because there is no way that could mean what he wants it to. He is not getting his hopes up only to be shut down. Julia moves even closer, close enough that their thighs are touching. She moves one of her hands from the counter and for a split second self-preservation makes him wonder if he can scoot away, but then she touches his face, runs her fingers along his forehead down his cheek and tucks a lock of his hair behind his ear. The touch is so careful and loving and the way she looks at him while she does it keeps him hostage.

“Tommy, baby,” she says softly and his heart races, stubbornly beating its way out of his chest. “You-” she stops and sighs heavily. “I love you.”

Tommy feels like a horse kicked him in the chest, they’ve been here before. “I love you too, that’s why I can’t-”

She shakes her head vigorously. “No, I. Love. You. I want to be with you, I’ve tried to get that into your thick skull for what feels like ages now.”

“You?” Damn his brain, it’s fried. It’s stuck on ‘be with you’. This is not happening; this is like the cruelest joke ever. 

“I’m in love with you. You still want me don’t you?” Her hands sneak up and around his neck.

“Jules,” he warns and puts his hands up to free himself, halfway panicking. Not trusting this one little bit.

“Oh no don’t you dare go getting all scared on me,” she says and keeps him in place with her body and soft blue eyes that see right through him. Her fingers play with the hair on the nape of his neck and he has to fight to control the urge to shiver.

She caresses his neck with a thumb and asks, “Are you in love with me?”

He closes his eyes and feels her forehead touch his. “You know I am,” he whispers and keeps his eyes closed.

She kisses him softly. He can’t help it, he kisses back and there is something in that kiss that flips things for him. It’s more tender, more loving and a lot less casual, even though there is no tongue involved, than their other kisses, it reminds him of their kisses _that_ morning.

“So let’s get old together,” she whispers against his lips, “do dishes and laundry together. Buy rocking chairs and a porch to sit on. I want it all with you.”

“Really? You want that?” he asks between kisses that get deeper by the second.

“More than anything.”

Pure and blissful happiness fills him. He leans back and catches her gaze. The love he sees reflected makes every hurtful step of the way right and worth it. “I’m gonna make you happy, I promise I’m gonna do my best to make you happy.” 

She beams back at him; the sun would be envious of her shine when she purrs, “You already do. Keep kissing me, I think I might have an addiction.”

And Tommy does, he keeps kissing her until the kisses turn dirtier and they are startled by a semi loud noise by the door. Panting they pull away from each other and share a look of embarrassment and laughter when they realize that someone is standing outside eavesdropping.

Adam’s voice filters through the door, though he is whispering, “Oh my God you ass, do you have to ruin everything?”

Tommy is just about to let Adam know they know he’s there when Julia covers his mouth with a hand. She puts a finger on her mouth and he nods. She moves her hand away from his mouth and uses her hands to show him they should tip toe over to the door and yank it open and say boo. 

Tommy has to fight the laughter. How the fuck did he get so lucky in life? He has awesome friends that love him, apparently enough to eavesdrop by the door, which they’re going to regret in a minute, a loving family, the best job in the world and the most beautiful, evil and wonderful woman in the universe loves him back.

Life is freaking awesome.

The end.

 

 

 


End file.
